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Can Conservatives and Liberals Still Date Each Other?
There is a definitive answer to this question.
As I said, there is a definitive answer to that question and the answer is, “no.” Of course, there are always caveats, but it really is pretty much just, “no.”
Well, let’s start getting into more depth on this issue with a much-discussed, controversial tweet by Zuby that brought this issue to the forefront:
That enormous ideological gap between 12th-grade boys and girls is fascinating enough that it probably deserves its own article. If I took an initial stab at it, I’d guess it’s because not only has liberalism become so reflexively anti-male, it has done so at a time when men increasingly feel like they’re getting a raw deal from society in all sorts of ways – but again, that’s another article.
Zuby’s reaction to that was essentially noting that conservative men aren’t going to want to date liberal women and will probably need to increasingly look elsewhere in the future to find wives. Additionally, as you can see, to him it was so obvious WHY he was saying that he didn’t even feel the need to explain it. In fact, it really shouldn’t need an explanation, but let’s do it anyway.
If you’re talking about a one-night stand, a short fling, or any type of short-term relationship, compatible values aren’t necessarily all that important, especially for men. In fact, if there’s anything sexual going on or being teased, most guys may literally not even know if they like you as a person, much less whether you can be compatible long term two or three dates in. This may be an alien way of thinking to a lot of women, but an awful lot of guys would happily have sex with a woman they found very attractive, even if they hated her guts. There’s nothing malicious about that, a lot of men just have a high sex drive and sex is not necessarily tied all that closely to their emotions.
On the other hand, if you’re talking about a long-term relationship, having reconcilable values is a necessity.
I’ve known at least two guys who’ve told me that they’ve had a marriage crack-up because their wives felt very comfortable spending big and going into debt, while they didn’t.
Different ways of viewing sex can - and FREQUENTLY DO - blow up marriages as well. If one partner looks at regular sex as a necessity and a marital duty, while the other views it as an optional thing that they can take or leave (and for people like this, it’s usually “leave”), it can ruin a marriage.
There are other examples that come to mind. Can you see a devout Christian and Satanist getting married? What about one partner desperately wanting a child and the other not wanting children at all? What about a “Green Acres” situation where one person absolutely loves small-town living and hates the city while the other hates the rural lifestyle and can’t stand living anywhere with less than several million people?
Sharing a life with someone is a big challenging step under the best of circumstances, which is fine because it goes with the territory. However, if you have all the normal stresses of a relationship AND fundamental disagreements over core issues always percolating in the background, it’s hard to paper that over year after year.
Now, if one or both of you aren’t really that fervent about your beliefs, it may not be a problem. If you’re one of those, “Who’s the vice-president?” people and your wife is like, “Which party supports abortion again?” it may not matter much whether you’re liberal or conservative because it’s not a critical part of your life. Additionally, twenty years ago this wasn’t as big of an issue because the Left and Right were orders of magnitude less polarized than they are today and politics wasn’t as big a part of everyday life.
On the other hand, today? Politics has now been inserted into almost EVERYTHING. Sports? Yes. Entertainment? Yes. The media? Yes. School? Yes. How you raise your kids? Yes. Where you live? Yes. It goes on and on and on. Even setting aside all the topics the two of you are going to have to avoid to just keep the peace like Black Lives Matter, the NRA, Critical Race Theory, feminism, Pride month, etc., there are a lot of core issues you may not be able to skate past.
What happens if your wife wants to abort your child because you have a vacation coming up later this year? Take your son to drag queen story hour? Says your daughter is really a boy because she likes trucks and football? Are you going to have a gun in the house? You may think she’s a dope for supporting a Democrat, but what if she concludes you’re evil for backing a Republican? What happens when you want to live in a conservative area, and she wants to live in Portland? What happens when she accuses you of being a racist for criticizing Barrack Obama? Can you fly an American flag on July 4, or does she think that’s a symbol of oppression? These issues can become surprisingly contentious in a hurry. If you don’t think so, just imagine a Republican man marrying a Democratic woman in the run-up to the Civil War.
Republican Husband: Hey sweetie, I went to the Lincoln-Douglas debate and I’m definitely voting Lincoln because…
Democratic Wife: Lincoln? That man is a monster! Someone should shoot him in the head!
Republican Husband: Wow, that is really uncalled for Hillary. He just wants to stop slavery.
Democratic Wife: Oh? And how does that impact us since I just bought two slaves?
Republican Husband: Wait… you what? We’re not going to have slaves in this house.
Democratic Wife: Oh, don’t worry, they’re going to be sharing the shed with the sheep.
Republican Husband: Sweetie, that’s horrible! We can’t do that!
Democratic Wife: Listen, honey, you better get on board with this. After all, you’re the one that’s going to have to cut their toes off if they run away.
Republican Husband: Cut their toes off? What the ****?
In a world where 40 to 50% (statistics vary) of all marriages end in divorce, can you really afford to take a chance on a serious relationship with someone who has diametrically opposed political views?
Maybe in twenty years, things will have normalized, and our political differences won’t be so stark and extreme. However currently, given the radical shift we’ve seen over the past two decades in our country, being in a serious relationship with someone on the other side of the political spectrum is a disaster waiting to happen.
It’s buying an alcoholic a drink. Letting a homeless guy house-sit while you’re out of town. Leaving the key in your unlocked car in San Francisco. Maybe you’ll be the one miraculous couple that beats the odds, but that’s unlikely.