Every once in a while, there is a thread on Reddit that is fascinating enough that it gets people talking, and what you are about to read is one such thread.
Too much baggage. This child deserves a parent who would eagerly adopt it, rather than a man who might be reminded that he was cuckolded by its mom. I think a clean slate would be better for all concerned. And yes, I did take Family Law I and II in law school, so I know exactly how it works when a blood relative suddenly "discovers" a child and decides to intervene, even years later...
Society rarely considers what is in the best interest of the child. As a teacher, I have seen many children suffer because of the mistakes of the adults.
My first thought was, this child might be best off if he were to raise it. He might be the most stable person who is willing to step up. I also considered that just saying no will put this child in a legal limbo and he will be pushed into the foster system. The foster system in this country is broken.
John brought up the legal aspect and that changes everything. If this guy were to take the child, he would need to make it legal. This could get messy in the future, especially when he enrolls the child in school. If he is not the legal guardian, social services will get involved and it will become a legal mess.
If she were to take the legal steps to make him the guardian before she passed, this will likely create another legal mess. An attorney or judge will ask about the father. They will likely want his name so he can be found because he is the current legal guardian and would need to sign off on giving up his legal custody. If he is found and does not want to take his child, then the court would inquire if any of his family members would take custody. The court would also inquire about her family members.
If he cannot be found, then they will look at her family. What about her parents, her siblings, aunts, uncles and so on?
Even if he were able to get legal guardianship, the future is still muddled. What if a blood relative that was not known to the court shows up and wants custody? There will be another legal battle, and this will be traumatic to him and the child.
We are not even considering the question of could he be a responsible parent. It is not easy raising a child.
We know she is not trustworthy from her past history. So, as John pointed out, why can we trust her story now? She broke the trust he had in her in a major way so she could be manipulating him again. Besides, if she wanted him to be the father of her child so if this situation arose the child would be cared for, she needed to marry him and not sleep around. At that time she made it clear, she did not want to have a child with him.
John is right, she is playing to his emotions. Emotions are fine but are not the best way to make major decisions. He needs to use logic. Ultimately, the best interest of the child in this situation is for him to tell her she needs to seek help from a family law attorney or even a social worker. It is best to start this process now while she is still alive. If he is inclined to do so, he can assist her with this but make it clear, he will not take the child. Even if he would be willing to as a last resort, do not put that out there. You do not want her attempting to manipulate the system to get what she wants.
The other thing not considered is adoption. The child is 2 years old. Young children are much easier to find adoptive parents for. I have friends and family members that have adopted children that were between the ages of 1 and 4. Those children thrived and I have witnessed them becoming productive adults.
If she puts her son up for adoption while she is alive, the legal process will play out and they will need to contact the father to give up his rights and they will also explore other relatives because the court will do its due diligence to ensure that there will not be a legal issue in the future when a blood relative appears asking for custody.
Well she's a master manipulator, no question about that. I doubt this is the first time she's deployed this super-weapon. I suspect it was like this the entire time they were together. Now she's back to that well one last time. One final extraction.
There are plenty of children in need of adoption. He didn't wake up one day and feel like he needed to save a child and then a while later god answered his prayers. He's was targeted. He was minding his own business and a super-predator showed up.
Now he's essentially hypnotized, agonizing over how "maybe I really should raise this random child I have never met". Listen to yourself man.
Maybe get checked for parasites. Maybe you have the lancet liver fluke. Do you have a sudden urge to climb the tallest blade of grass you can find so you can be eaten?
If he's a White Knight kind of guy, he just might take on the responsibility of this child. I sure hope he doesn't make his decision alone, and I don't mean consulting his parents or friends for advice. He needs a disinterested, objective resource to help him understand all the ramifications of such a decision. Maybe a family law attorney, his minister if he has one, though that might be risky, and maybe a trusted close friend who can steer him toward objectivity.
This woman. What a thing to impose on a man left shattered by her betrayal. Unbelievable.
I meant "if I was him"... and he does have a connection to the child more so than a stranger. He loves her I assume, and the child is part of her. Given that my wife and I were both adopted by fathers other than our sperm-donating biological father, and both of us turned out so damn perfect, I tend to think that way.
Too much baggage. This child deserves a parent who would eagerly adopt it, rather than a man who might be reminded that he was cuckolded by its mom. I think a clean slate would be better for all concerned. And yes, I did take Family Law I and II in law school, so I know exactly how it works when a blood relative suddenly "discovers" a child and decides to intervene, even years later...
Society rarely considers what is in the best interest of the child. As a teacher, I have seen many children suffer because of the mistakes of the adults.
My first thought was, this child might be best off if he were to raise it. He might be the most stable person who is willing to step up. I also considered that just saying no will put this child in a legal limbo and he will be pushed into the foster system. The foster system in this country is broken.
John brought up the legal aspect and that changes everything. If this guy were to take the child, he would need to make it legal. This could get messy in the future, especially when he enrolls the child in school. If he is not the legal guardian, social services will get involved and it will become a legal mess.
If she were to take the legal steps to make him the guardian before she passed, this will likely create another legal mess. An attorney or judge will ask about the father. They will likely want his name so he can be found because he is the current legal guardian and would need to sign off on giving up his legal custody. If he is found and does not want to take his child, then the court would inquire if any of his family members would take custody. The court would also inquire about her family members.
If he cannot be found, then they will look at her family. What about her parents, her siblings, aunts, uncles and so on?
Even if he were able to get legal guardianship, the future is still muddled. What if a blood relative that was not known to the court shows up and wants custody? There will be another legal battle, and this will be traumatic to him and the child.
We are not even considering the question of could he be a responsible parent. It is not easy raising a child.
We know she is not trustworthy from her past history. So, as John pointed out, why can we trust her story now? She broke the trust he had in her in a major way so she could be manipulating him again. Besides, if she wanted him to be the father of her child so if this situation arose the child would be cared for, she needed to marry him and not sleep around. At that time she made it clear, she did not want to have a child with him.
John is right, she is playing to his emotions. Emotions are fine but are not the best way to make major decisions. He needs to use logic. Ultimately, the best interest of the child in this situation is for him to tell her she needs to seek help from a family law attorney or even a social worker. It is best to start this process now while she is still alive. If he is inclined to do so, he can assist her with this but make it clear, he will not take the child. Even if he would be willing to as a last resort, do not put that out there. You do not want her attempting to manipulate the system to get what she wants.
The other thing not considered is adoption. The child is 2 years old. Young children are much easier to find adoptive parents for. I have friends and family members that have adopted children that were between the ages of 1 and 4. Those children thrived and I have witnessed them becoming productive adults.
If she puts her son up for adoption while she is alive, the legal process will play out and they will need to contact the father to give up his rights and they will also explore other relatives because the court will do its due diligence to ensure that there will not be a legal issue in the future when a blood relative appears asking for custody.
Well she's a master manipulator, no question about that. I doubt this is the first time she's deployed this super-weapon. I suspect it was like this the entire time they were together. Now she's back to that well one last time. One final extraction.
There are plenty of children in need of adoption. He didn't wake up one day and feel like he needed to save a child and then a while later god answered his prayers. He's was targeted. He was minding his own business and a super-predator showed up.
Now he's essentially hypnotized, agonizing over how "maybe I really should raise this random child I have never met". Listen to yourself man.
Maybe get checked for parasites. Maybe you have the lancet liver fluke. Do you have a sudden urge to climb the tallest blade of grass you can find so you can be eaten?
If he's a White Knight kind of guy, he just might take on the responsibility of this child. I sure hope he doesn't make his decision alone, and I don't mean consulting his parents or friends for advice. He needs a disinterested, objective resource to help him understand all the ramifications of such a decision. Maybe a family law attorney, his minister if he has one, though that might be risky, and maybe a trusted close friend who can steer him toward objectivity.
This woman. What a thing to impose on a man left shattered by her betrayal. Unbelievable.
I would. For the child. Children are more important than is the free time of adults.
You should. You have just as much connection to the child as he does.
I meant "if I was him"... and he does have a connection to the child more so than a stranger. He loves her I assume, and the child is part of her. Given that my wife and I were both adopted by fathers other than our sperm-donating biological father, and both of us turned out so damn perfect, I tend to think that way.