How to Change Your Entire Life with Framing
Everything in your life can be different after you read this column
So, this column is going to teach you an alternate way to view everything that happens to you. It’s probably not how you look at the world and some of the concepts in it may seem unusual to you. That being said, if you’re not happy with your life or are struggling a lot, you may find it is exactly the sort of perspective change you need to turn things around. So, all that being said, try to read the next thousand words or so with an open mind, embrace this way of looking at the world, and your entire life may change.
Let’s start with a classic story about a “lucky” (or is he) Chinese farmer you may have heard before:
A farmer and his son had a beloved horse who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away, and their neighbours exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild horses back to the farm as well. The neighbours shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the horses and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The neighbours cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, because he had a broken leg. The neighbours shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
Interesting, right? And we often find this to be true in our own lives and the lives of our own heroes, don’t we? Michael Jordan was rather famously inspired to work harder to become a great basketball player after being cut from his high school basketball team. Elon Musk was forced out as the CEO of PayPal when he was on a honeymoon with his wife, but would Tesla, SpaceX or his other ventures have happened without that experience and the money he made when PayPal was later sold? Oprah Winfrey only had the opportunity to become a success as a talk show host because she wiped out as a news anchor. Steve Jobs even got pushed out at Apple, founded Pixar, and then became a true business legend when he came back, saved the company, and turned Apple into the juggernaut it is today.
To them and even to the outside world, what might have looked like huge setbacks at first were actually crucial parts of what allowed them to become so successful.
This brings us to an important idea:
We could probably come up with some exceptional circumstances where this isn’t true, but is it almost always true? Yes, it is. There are lots of famous quotes that tie into this way of thinking:
We all have the power to create our own meaning and our own story about what type of person we are. Some people abuse it. We all know people who never think they’re wrong, always think they’re a victim, or can explain to you why nothing is ever their fault. They’re using this principle to make a worse life for themselves and other people who are exposed to them.
However, what would it look like if you used this way of thinking to make your life and the lives of other people around you BETTER? How can you use this way of thinking to make yourself happier, more successful, and to allow yourself to contribute more to the world?
It begins with the small things.
Are you ENRAGED that a worker at McDonald’s messed up your order OR was that just a minor inconvenience, not worth getting upset over? If you’ve had a long day and your kid wants your attention, is that just one more thing keeping you from decompressing OR a great opportunity for you to show how you put your kids first? Are you dead tired and ready to go home OR are you enjoying the opportunity to show how indefatigable you are?
You literally have the power to choose which interpretation you are going to feel and act on.
Do you HAVE TO cook dinner for your family or are you LUCKY TO be one of the people that gets to cook dinner for your family and eat with them? Are you frustrated that you can’t seem to save money OR is this a sign you need to make a budget and figure out some ways to cut costs so you can really get ahead? Should you just accept that you’re “not a good student” because you got a “C” on a test or is that a signal you need to revamp the way you study for tests and join a study group?
How you view it is up to you.
Are you feeling afraid to do something OR is that your body getting you energized to tackle it? Should you try to avoid it because it’s hard OR should you want to do hard things more because they’re a challenge? Should you say to yourself, “I don’t know if I can do this, so maybe I shouldn’t try” or, should you be more like, “I don’t know if I can do this, so let’s try it so I can find out”?
That applies to the big things in your life as well. You see, everyone has lots of themes and stories in their life if they look at it with fresh eyes. You get to choose which ones are meaningful and meaningless. Which ones define you and which ones don’t.
Are you the person who never succeeded or the person who didn’t initially have any success, but hung in there until they did? Are you the person who never got in shape or the person who struggled to get in shape for a long time, learned from their mistakes, and finally succeeded? Are you that broke guy or that guy who was broke for a long time, got his act together, and finished his life in style? Are you the person who lived your life traumatized by something that happened to you or the person who had something bad happen to them and became a stronger person because of it?
That’s the great thing about this if you do it the right way. You get to choose what your story is and whatever you believe it is, you will start to make that story happen.
If you’re angry, frustrated, and feel like you’re going nowhere in life, it’s time to reframe how you’re looking at life in a way that serves you.
If you don’t know how to reframe your life in general or in the moment, it’s not too hard to figure it out.
Go with the one that makes you more, not less. The one that fits with your values. The one that helps you become the best version of yourself.
You are one reframe away from being on track towards becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be. Become that person. You won’t regret it.
Another great inspiring article Mr. Hawkins. It's nice to be reminded that we ALWAYS have a choice. I hope we can apply this to POLITICS as well. I think we desperately need it.
I love this, John. And it all rings true. I am just so incredibly weary. Maybe I am stuck in that dreaded quicksand! The harder I try to extricate from it the harder it pulls me down.