Reality Doesn’t Care What You Think

Life Doesn’t Owe You a Custom Version

Supernatural was a terrific TV series that ran for 15 (!!!!) seasons. It got over-the-top and less watchable near the end, but all-in-all, it was a good time.

So, at one point in the series, one of the two main protagonists, Dean Winchester, is literally on track to die and GO TO HELL. His brother concludes that they should track down this evil doctor who figured out how to live forever, learn his secrets, and keep Dean from ever dying. After all, if you don’t die, you can’t go to Hell. Unfortunately, the evil doctor has to murder people to live so long, Dean doesn’t want to live that way, and they BURY THE IMMORTAL BAD GUY ALIVE, chained up in an old refrigerator:

That’s relevant to me because I kind of like the idea of being forever young, vibrant, healthy, and immortal. There’s so much I want to learn, try and do, that living “forever” or at least several hundred years, is a pretty exciting idea to me. Still, as old Doc Benton found out in that episode, there can be some serious downsides to it as well. In any case, even if I wanted to live forever, I CAN’T. It’s simply not something that’s realistic to pursue.

Along similar lines, life is not a video game where we can design our own world, pick our character, and play by whatever rules we like best (“Easy mode, please!”). On the contrary, in many ways, the world just IS WHAT IT IS. That doesn’t mean it can’t ever be changed, but most changes are uncertain and take a long, long time to occur, if they ever do.

Just think about how long it took from the time Republicans defeated Democrats in the Civil War (1865) until enough Democrats finally agreed to come along with Republicans to get the Civil Rights Act of 1964 passed. The wheels of history do turn, but they often turn so slowly that a human life can pass in the meantime.

This is all relevant because so many people these days seem to see ordinary life as it has existed since the beginning of time as some sort of extraordinary burden or even outright oppression.

For example, consider these two seemingly unrelated stories that got a lot of traction on X:

There are a lot of things you could say to respond to this:

“A baby is worth it!”

“If you get married, your husband won’t care.”

“It’s not that bad! It won’t matter to most men!”

But, you know what I thought when I saw this getting traction everywhere? By the time they’re 40, stretch marks will be the least of the problems with their looks that most women will have. That may sound like some kind of dig, but it’s not at all. It’s just an acknowledgement of reality.

All of us get older, and most of the women who are attractive at 18 won’t be all that attractive at 40. For many, it’s even something more like 30 or 35. Yes, it’s true that this certainly isn’t all women and men age, too, but if let’s say a woman is going to live until 78 or so, how shortsighted is it to pass on HAVING A CHILD to theoretically maximize how good you look in a bikini for a decade or two out of the eight decades you’ll be on earth? In any case, I think all of us would like to look young, healthy, and attractive forever, BUT WE CAN’T because life doesn’t work that way. At some point, we all have to accept that fact and move on.

Of course, we could also talk about this guy’s all too common complaint:

The short version of this is that he’s MAD THAT HE HAS TO WORK FOR A LIVING.

On some level, almost all of us get what he’s talking about.

A lot of people have thought, “You get up, you go to work all week, you take your weekend off, and you repeat that for your entire adult life until you get old. Is that all there is?”

Well, it certainly doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to do anything except die and pay taxes, so you could go sleep under a bridge with the homeless. You could also build some meaning into your life outside of work. You could even do what many of us have chosen to do in our lives and build your own business. So, you do have options in life, but the least productive is just to get mad at how life works. After all, in a very real sense, it even works that way for most wild animals. They get up, they spend their day doing what it takes to survive and get food, or they starve to death.

“Oh, but people shouldn’t be poor!”

“Everything should be free!”

“I should be able to do whatever I want and get paid enough doing it to make a nice living!”

But they are, but it’s not, and you can’t.

Now what?

“It’s not right that men are expected to pay for dinner on dates.” But that is what’s expected.

“Not every culture has tipping. So, I don’t want to tip people, and no one should think I’m a jerk if I don’t do it.” But IT IS a thing people do here, so you have to do it or be thought of as a loser.

“I think teachers should make as much as Bank CEOS.” Great, but THEY don’t. So, what now?

Pretty much EVERYTHING related to trans issues works this way. “Oh, I should be able to change sexes.” But you can’t.

“Since I have decided I’m the opposite sex, everyone should treat me that way.” But they won’t because you’re not.

“Since I’ve decided I’m a woman now, straight men should be interested in me.” But they’re not because you’re male and they’re straight men.

Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing change. That’s a lot of what politics is. Even this Substack is about trying to change the culture.

Where people get into trouble is when they have a personal problem and instead of changing themselves, they try to change the whole world instead.

“I’m not making any money! Let’s get a politician who’ll increase my welfare benefits, raise the minimum wage, and tear down all those rich people who make me feel inadequate by having so much more money than me!” Or alternatively, you could build some skills, work harder, save some money to invest, and raise yourself up to a level where none of that matters anymore.

“It’s not fair that I’m an incel! Women don’t like me because I’m not fit enough, I don’t take showers, and I don’t know how to talk to them! We need to all agree on how awful women are! That doesn’t fix my problem or anything, but at least we know who the real problem is.” Or alternatively, you could get in shape, improve your hygiene, and learn to talk to women. Yes, that might take a lot of effort, and it might not end with you dating Sydney Sweeney, but it will lead to you being a better, happier person and probably dating SOMEONE.

“It’s so unfair that people are allowed to say things I disagree with! I need a safe space, we need to riot to stop people from saying things I oppose, and we need a widespread censorship campaign so that only people who say things I agree with are allowed to speak.” Or alternatively, you could just toughen up, accept that not everyone agrees with you, and not fall to pieces every time someone says something you don’t like, just like the rest of us.

Don’t rage against reality; accept reality and adjust to it. You’ll be mentally healthier, you’ll be happier, and you won’t waste your life waiting around for other people to fix your problems when you can adjust your attitude and fix them at any time yourself.

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