One Saturday night during my freshman year in college, I was out clubbing until very late. It was 1 or 2 AM, and when I came back, a lot of people on my hall were still awake, drinking and going room-to-room.
When I walked into my room, I got a surprise. There was a girl from down the hall I didn’t know very well. I don’t even remember her name now, but I do remember she was a busty redhead. She was also drunk as a skunk, lying in MY BED, and when I came in, the first words out of her mouth were, “Please f*** me.”
On the one hand, I was stone cold sober and didn’t know this girl very well. On the other hand, there was a girl IN MY BED that I would have liked to have had sex with, ASKING ME to have sex with her.
I paused for a moment. She said, “f*** me” again, and… the moral core hammered into me through many years of Baptist church services held. I sighed, and I went down the hall to ask the other guys why this drunk girl was in my bed.
Did I do the right thing? I’m pretty sure I did, but it wasn’t necessarily easy, and let’s be honest, through her own behavior, she put herself in a VERY risky situation. If some other guy had walked through that door, things could have gone very differently. Lord knows I heard enough rumors about women I knew from school getting drunk and getting gangbanged, dancing naked on tables in front of a room, or giving blowjobs to multiple guys to know that these kinds of situations often don’t end as innocently as that one ultimately did.
As a matter of fact, there’s a somewhat similar situation in the news that DID NOT end as well as that one that happened at Cornell and is now in the news. To begin with, here’s a basic synopsis of the situation from John Nolte at Breitbart:
Two years ago, in the early hours of October 20, 2024, 20-year-old Jane Doe claims she was gang raped by seven members of Cornell University’s Chi Phi fraternity. Until she filed a massive civil suit earlier this week alleging it was rape, all the contemporaneous statements from Jane Doe (that we’ve seen) indicate she voluntarily took drugs and engaged in four hours of consensual group sex with the men.
This includes a statement Jane Doe gave to the campus police about three weeks after the event on November 8.
The campus police showed this statement to the local district attorney, Matthew Van Houten, who said then that “Jane Doe’s statement described her participation in drug use and sexual conduct as voluntary, conscious, and consensual.”
Earlier this week, CBS News uncovered texts it says are between Jane Doe and one of the accused where she flat-out says that “none of the sexual stuff was illegal,” that she enjoyed being with him and another guy, and would like to get together again.
Now ABC News has uncovered even more texts where Jane Doe expresses regret for her behavior, especially after gossip about the group sex made its way around campus, but she still says it was consensual...
...From what we know so far, all I see is a Jane Doe who went into a group sex encounter believing, in her own words, that such behavior reflected how “sexuality and sex is changing and stuff like this going to become more common.”
Then reality struck. Campus gossip labeled her a whore, and the Chi Phi frat wanted nothing more to do with her, even though she longed to be accepted.
This made her angry, bitter, and desperate to be seen as a victim as opposed to someone who agreed to be treated like a piece of meat.
To add a little more depth to this scenario, apparently “Jane Doe” was extremely drunk before she ever went to visit her “friend” at the frat house. Her “friend” suggested they do a threesome with another guy; more alcohol, marijuana, and ketamine were ingested, and the other guy sent a “free p*ssy” text out, basically telling other frat members she was down for a gangbang. By the time it was over, she had apparently engaged in sexual acts with seven guys.
Afterward, she noted in texts that it was consensual, that nothing illegal happened, and that she would be willing to do another threesome. However, word apparently got around about what she did. This humiliated her; there was controversy about whether the frat was letting her come to a party, and then down the road she was accusing all these men of rape. Although I initially kept an open mind about this case, it’s now clear she’s making a false allegation, and she deserves to go to jail for it, though she likely will not get what she deserves.
So, setting the particulars of this case aside, let’s break down some of the contrasting assumptions that went into creating this whole mess, aside from the obvious fact that whether you are male or female, you should probably be cautious about engaging in drunken orgies or gang sexual encounters for moral, legal, and potentially health-related reasons (“Yeah, I’m not sure where the herpes came from. There were a lot of people involved.”)
As a starting point, there was a time in American society where people went too far in putting all the onus on the woman for whether sex occurred or not. You know, “If they had sex, she must have been asking for it.” Was that unfair? Yes, it was.
However, we’ve now gone too far in the other direction. If a man and a woman both get drunk, then consensually have sex, the man can be accused of rape. Well, why is that? Are women hapless children with no control over themselves? I thought women could do “anything a man can do,” but if a woman slams down a beer, she’s no longer responsible for her own actions? That’s ridiculous, but it’s also how our society often treats it.
Similarly, while again I think we need to be careful about assuming women are “asking for it,” there does need to be some line somewhere, doesn’t there? Like, this was not a woman who was dragged into the bushes. She was extremely drunk and willingly went to a FRATERNITY HOUSE to hook up, where at a minimum, she was willing to engage in a threesome. Very clearly, she was THERE TO HAVE SEX and was good with HAVING SEX WITH MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
Incidentally, so many of these sketchy “rape” cases on college campuses end up looking something like this. Some guy and girl get trashed, make out ferociously, go back to someone’s room, sex happens, and then there are accusations from the woman that something non-consensual happened while the guy claims it was just normal sex.
At what point do you say, “If you didn’t want to have sex, why would you get drunk with a guy, let him grope you on the dance floor, and then go back to his room? Did you think he planned to play checkers with you once he got there? Any reasonable person would assume both of you were going to a private spot to have sex.” That doesn’t mean the man shouldn’t have to get consent. Absolutely, he should, but it also means the woman’s actions should be considered if there’s a dispute about whether consent was given.
Similarly, we hear that, “Women don’t lie about rape.” Of course, that’s ridiculous. PEOPLE LIE when it serves them, and women are people. Women can and absolutely do lie about rape. We could list many cases, but two of the most famous were the Tawana Brawley case and the Duke Lacrosse case. If they lied – and they indisputably did – many other women have lied as well.
We could even note that perhaps the reason this woman didn’t realize she would be humiliated around campus by being labeled a slut after word got around was because so many people openly PRAISE sexually promiscuous behavior.
After all, the end result of Bonnie Blue having sex with 1,000 men was her becoming famous and getting Newsweek articles written about her:
Teen Vogue cheerleads for prostitution:
Stories like this one, that praise extremely promiscuous behavior, are also very common:
Last but not least, we also can’t forget the fact that the names of seven frat brothers who are being falsely accused of rape have been released while the woman who is falsely accusing them is still being called “Jane Doe.” That’s a huge double standard that should never be allowed to stand. Yes, it’s stigmatizing to be raped, but it’s also stigmatizing to be accused of rape. The accuser, especially a false accuser, should be exposed to every bit as much scrutiny as the people she’s accusing.
At the end of the day, the whole frat got shut down, and the lives of all seven men who were falsely accused, along with the woman involved, are likely to be a mess for years to come as this case winds its way through the public square, political system, and courts. There won’t be any “winners” in this case, and that’s just another reason for everyone, men and women both, to steer clear of these kinds of situations.
No matter how much the media tries to glamorize these sorts of sexual exploits, you’re taking a significant risk when you participate in them. Ultimately, it can hurt your reputation, your life, and your very soul.
Feminists and the girls they brainwash want their cake and eat it, too. The double standard has allowed it. The behavior of all 8 was wrong, and their all paying the price, but the men involved are being railroaded and will pay a higher price than she ever will.
Good piece, John.
To share a similar situation, I once had an ongoing sexual relationship with a girl; one time, she went out and got drunk with other people, and based on how much she was slurring when I called her I figured I'd better drive the 20 minutes to her apartment to check on her.
Apparently her friends had given her a ride home but hadn't watched her go inside, since she was laying on the lawn mumbling when I got there.
Once I helped her inside, she starts grabbing and slapping me and demanding sex, and I told her that wasn't going to happen because she wasn't going to remember a bit of this in the morning (she didn't). Unfortunately that wasn't enough to get her to stop, so I eventually did a reverse-Graham Platner move and locked her out of her own bedroom (NB: she was fine, she just slept on her couch in the living room.)
We continued our relationship, although we broke up several months later for unrelated reasons, but I've run into her a few times over the years and it's been amicable.
Anyway, that's probably 20 years ago and I haven't regretted it one bit.