The Hell of Pleasure

There was a time when Mötley Crüe was one of the biggest bands on earth. They moved over 100 million records, had multiple platinum albums, and played to sold-out arenas all over America. They were a MUSICAL FORCE, and with that came certain privileges with women that few human beings outside of Roman Emperors and kings with harems have gotten to experience.

By that, I mean Mötley Crüe was also legendary for their sexual exploits. After every show, they could literally just have their pick attractive young women who would be brought to them like offerings by their groupies. They did things like sleep with a grandmother, mother and daughter at the same time, have contests to see how long they could go without taking a bath and still get groupies to sleep with them, and specify some nights that they wouldn’t sleep with a woman who wasn’t a virgin.

That level of sexual freedom and choice is so extreme that many men would probably see it as an unachievable utopian fantasy, but they did it in the real world. Yet, guess what? ALL FOUR members of the band got married. In fact, not only did all of them get married, but all of them got married and divorced at least three times (perhaps it’s not surprising that rock stars with drug habits and unlimited opportunities to cheat don’t make very good husbands, but still).

This begs an obvious question: Why would any man with unlimited sexual opportunities choose to (at least theoretically) limit those opportunities to one person?

Before we answer that question, let me point to the Tweet that prompted me to think about it. At first, it may seem like quite an odd juxtaposition:

Have you ever heard of “DINKs?” That stands for “Double Income, No Kids,” and people who refer to themselves that way are typically VERY PROUD that they’re choosing not to have kids so they can spend more money on their lifestyles:

You may have also heard of a number of mostly left-wing women explicitly say that they don’t want to get married or have kids, so that they can use all their income on themselves. This topic also calls to mind a semi-famous scene from the first Sex and the City movie, where 49-year-old Samantha Jones dumps her younger, successful, famous, extremely good-looking boyfriend who has been doting on her for years, almost entirely so she can bang other guys with the line, “I love you, but I love me more”:

After reading this, many people are probably ready to make some “wine and cats” jokes or talk about how desperate “DINKS” almost always seem to justify what they’re doing, and I get that. In fact, I never mind making good “wine and cats” jokes myself:

But, let’s go a little further down this line.

How many people do you know who game OBSESSIVELY or spend all of their time in Internet chat rooms or social media sites of one sort or another? Maybe they’re diehard podcast junkies who spend hours each day listening to streamers or worse yet, simping for some OnlyFans model who leeches tens of thousands of dollars per year from them? What about junkies or alcoholics who found a drug that reliably changed how they feel and made it a central part of their lives? What about travel junkies or people who obsessively focus on acquiring things? On the lower level, we could be talking about a hoarder, but we could also be talking about wealthier people chasing the next big high from buying a fancy car, purchasing something expensive for their summer home, or obsessing over which expensive new purse or watch they’re going to wear.

Our society doesn’t exactly tell people to be hedonistic pleasure junkies, but you certainly can’t miss that message in our society. We coddle kids to the point where many of them aren’t really even functional adults at 18, we drown them in entertainment options to the point where they can barely stand to be bored for 30 seconds, and we deluge them with images of people living their “best” lives. Drive that expensive car, go on that fancy vacation, drink that expensive liquor, eat what tastes best, get that Gucci purse, and obsess over video games, YouTube, and the latest entertaining news and gossip. At least wait until you’re 30 to get married because you don’t want to start living that responsible life too soon. Spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on that concert, ticket to the Super Bowl, or that “once in a lifetime” vacation you’ll hope to repeat several times over the next few years. Go into debt to get what you want because you only live once, and life is all about looking good and feeling good!

These are the kind of messages you get pummeled with when you’re young in America, and they may even make a certain kind of sense to people when you look at social media and consider the people our culture idolizes.

However, those of us who are older know better.

You’re talking to someone who loves to travel, but there are only so many cool places to go in the world, and even the best of them are not quite as much fun the 2^nd and 3^rd time you go there. Like any red-blooded male, I love sex, but not all sex is good. Sometimes it’s awkward, it’s bad, or, even as a man, you just want it to be over. I’m not much of a video game guy, but I’ve played games before where I enjoyed it so much that I was a little OBSESSIVE about wanting to get back to it. But guess what? Most games aren’t that great. I’ve binge-watched series that are so good I would rip through a whole season in a day or two, but most TV is boring. I love a good movie and a good book, but for every one that hooks you, there are an awful lot that are “tolerable” or “just okay.”

At a certain point, the parties aren’t as much fun, the night out with the boys feels a little stale, and you wonder if the hours on the road were worth it to see the cool view you’re looking at.

Now you may be thinking, “Wait, what are you trying to say? That pleasure is bad?”

Not at all.

Have a good time and enjoy your life, but remember, life is supposed to be about things like meaning, purpose, potential, relationships, and making the world a better place, not hedonism. Not gorging yourself on lust and self-indulgence, so that you become sick of the things that once brought you joy. Pleasure is an IMPORTANT PIECE of a healthy, meaningful life, but if you end up making it into the centerpiece of your life, it eventually becomes a kind of hell. Certainly not the worst kind of hell (there are much, much worse kinds), but it can turn into the sort of addiction that makes you ask, “Is this all there is?” and “What’s the point of life?” when the thrill is gone.

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