What is REAL Success?
A Different Message Than the Rest of the World Will Give You About Success
There’s this amazing scene in the movie Troy where Achilles has a conversation with his mother, a goddess, about whether he should go to war.
She tells him that if he doesn’t leave for Troy, if he stays, he’ll fall in love, have children, have a happy life and be forgotten in a couple of generations. On the other hand, if he does go war in Troy, he will be remembered thousands of years later, but he’ll die and never see her again.
From there, it immediately cuts to him on a ship going to war.
In other words, the message is that he didn’t even have to think about it.
I feel the same way as he did. I would go to war like Achilles, I would take the pill in Limitless that would allow me to do amazing things, but kill me in a year or two, and I would cross the Rubicon like Caesar to become the most famous Roman emperor.
However, here’s the unfortunate truth; percentage wise, there are only handfuls of human beings that even have the opportunity to do that kind of thing every century or two.
Don’t believe that? Well, start naming off famous names from the past that are widely known. You know, people like Napoleon, Alexander, Genghis Khan, Aristotle, Socrates, Mozart, Beethoven, Jesus, Muhammad, Mark Twain, Leonardo Da Vinci, etc, etc, etc.
Realistically, given enough time and without looking it up, most people might be able to name a couple of hundred people like that out of the roughly 117 billion that have lived on earth. What does that tell you about your chances of being remembered long term?
It’s not so good, right? Even if people do remember your name, that doesn’t mean they’ll know anything about you. Hell, I’m a history buff and I don’t know much about most of the Presidents of the United States. If Franklin Pierce is a shoulder shrug or a, “who?” to most people, very few of us have a chance to really be remembered long term.
Even most of the incredibly successful people who died within the last decade or two have been forgotten by most people. When is the last time you heard someone mention Tom Petty, Prince, Queen Elizabeth, Pele, Stephen Hawking, Hank Aaron or Colin Powell?
So, what’s the point? Status? Well, status is certainly nice, but it’s also empty. Most of the people seeking you out because of status don’t know the real you, don’t care about you as a person and only want to be seen with you to enhance their own status. If your status drops or they have the opportunity to be around someone else with more status, they’ll drop you like a hot rock. Status usually doesn’t last forever, it can be taken away from you and it’s at least somewhat out of your control. Most of us chase status to some degree, but the more your life revolves around it, the more unhappy you’re likely to be.
So, what is real success then?
Well, if you believe in God, setting yourself up to get into heaven in the next lifetime certainly has to be at the top of the list. But, getting beyond that, there are two other things that qualify as success in my book.
The first is, were you a gift or a curse to the world? Were you a maker or a taker? Did you make life better or worse for the people around you? Did you lift their burdens or drag them down? Add something to the world or take from it? Is the world more beautiful, prosperous and good because of you or more ugly, poor and evil because you lived in it? Everybody thinks about changing the world, but did you change it for the better for your family, your friends, your community and your country?
It may not seem earth shattering, but it’s people offering a kind word, creating a garden, planting a tree, teaching other people, cleaning up a dirty park, serving in the military or as a police officer, setting a good example, helping a neighbor and doing useful work who make the world go around. When you have enough good, decent, law-abiding, hard-working people, everything falls into place and things go well. Are you one of those people or are you not?
If you’re not someone who makes the world better, in my opinion, you’re a failure, no matter how much money, fame and status you have. You might disagree, but when I look at people like Jeffrey Epstein, Andrew Tate, Jim Jones, Bill Cosby, George Soros, Al Sharpton, Pablo Escobar, Jimmy Savile, Osama Bin Laden, Harvey Weinstein, Charles Manson, Bernie Madoff and Sam Bankman-Fried, the heights they rose to is far less important than the sort of human beings they became as they got there. Bad human beings might have the trappings of success, but are they really successful? I’d say, “no.”
Of course, just helping other people isn’t really enough to be successful either. If you spent your whole life selflessly serving others, but were continuously miserable the entire time, did you really live a successful life? Some people might say, “yes,” but again, I’d say, “no,” because you didn’t like your life.
While it is critical to live an ethical life and make the world a better place, the biggest real test of success in life is getting what you want out of it.
Granted, very few of us really get everything we want because deep down in our soul, so many of us want the whole package. We want the Sydney Sweeney beauty, the Elon money and genius, the Trump power, the Jordan athleticism, the Elvis fame – and we want to do it while we sleep late, eat our favorite foods every day and party like a rock star.
Of course, once you get beyond fantasy, what about the reality? What do you REALLY want THAT IS ACHIEVABLE? Is it a good marriage? Is it kids? Owning a home? Seeing the world? Bringing a dozen people to Christ? Being a great Little League coach? Finally having a nice garden or learning to play the guitar? Having 2 or 3 close friends? Being great at your job? Retiring with a comfortable income at 50?
Whatever it is, DOING THAT in a way that doesn’t hurt or take advantage of other people is what success really is. Not having the most likes, the most people chanting your name, the highest dollar amount in the bank or sleeping with the most women. It is achieving the things you wanted to do in life without becoming a bad person in the process. That is real success and the world be a paradise if everyone pursued it.


"Most of us chase status to some degree, but the more your life revolves around it, the more unhappy you’re likely to be."
I don't think this quite right. I think all of us crave a position of status hierarcy relative to our expectations within our peer group. I think where unhappiness happens is the feeling of not having achieved expected status. And the Hedonic Treadmill theory - basically that we always progress upward in our expectations... we always want more (why the euphoria after the promotion or sale or win... is replaced by the motivation for the next one). This constant need for more is our blessing and curse. It drives exploration, invention and progress. But it also drives terrible selfish behavior and envy.
But you can see how collectivism can derive more relative happiness, because there will be less competition for status in the peer group. Misery loves company. In a free market democracy, merit keeps increasing and the bar for high status keeps rising... as do the individual expectations. It gets harder to get noticed, and it causes people to act out. It flows destuctive.
A productive US happiness machine requires a lot of economic opportunity and growth. We had it. But it is the combination of our past success, our more recent decline and our stuffing of so many into the expectation for upper class status, that has resulted in the drop in happiness... and people acting out.
Many people can find happiness in a simple life, but these are people generally not expecting more. Almost everyone not having achieved some level of expected peer group status will be unhappy. Yes, contributing to society can help with life statisfaction, but for most people, generally not if it does not add perceived peer status.
Thanks, John. Nice to get a heart on...