It's not that I really care about her past, it's that I care about her future. And the single best predictor of her future is her past.
From my experience, women do most of the leaving in a relationship. So she wants to get into a relationship, and I look back at the wreckage of her past relationships, and I think "you've left all those people and you're going to leave me too".
So the answer to the question of "why don't you include me in your long term plans" is because all available evidence is that you won't be around long term and I don't need the disruption when you inevitably decide to leave me like you did all the others.
Two 20 year olds, neither with any real past, both basically broke, the woman says "lets build something together". You have no real reason to trust her but you have no reason to distrust her either. Her family is intact so you think "yeah maybe she intends to do that". And of course plans change, but you're broke so you're not really risking anything and she's a 20 year old in near peak physical form. It's a bit of a gamble on an unknown. But the worse case is you lose nothing because you have nothing and got lots of hot sex with a 20 year old. The best case is hot sex with a 20 year old who also turns into a loving wife and children. Take the risk. Worth it.
So now, fast forward 10 years. She has had 5 relationships averaging 2 years each. Not even a slut using the standards of the year 2025. She's still attractive but she's not rocking that 20 year old body either. He's not fabulously wealthy but he is starting to gain real traction; growth will be substantial in 10 years if he doesn't squander it.
Now, you're this guy. Your relationship status isn't great but you're not sexually starved like your 20 year old self was - like her you have also navigated 5 or so relationships averaging 2 years each. If this one ends, you expect another to come along, just like she does.
You haven't always made good or wise decisions but you're much better at making them now. And she says roughly "why don't you risk everything you've done so far in life on me". And the answer is because "you are not a good bet".
Unlike in your 20s, if she leaves now she will be wiping out years of what you have worked for.
And all evidence is she will be gone in 2 years. That's what she does. That is what she has -always- done. Why would this time be any different? She has a well established pattern of behavior.
You've been through this before. You don't need that sort of chaos in your life. Not again. Not anymore.
It's going to be pretty hard to convince this man. You're going to need to demonstrate years of new behavior before he's going to believe it. If you're with him for 2 years he's not going to be convinced. Lots of guys have been with her for 2 years. By year 4 he's starting to think it's different, but who really knows. Maybe by year 6 he will think she's actually in it for the long haul.
But the women whining about commitment don't want to demonstrate commitment for 6 years. They want you to wife them up right now on the front end, before they've demonstrated any change in behavior.
Another option is to stop considering women as things to control. Relationships…any relationships…are not risk mitigation scenarios. Nor are the people involved stagnant, inanimate objects for you to observe, assess, consume, or use. There is literally no universe in which any 20-year-old is emotionally, experientially, or otherwise prepared to navigate marriage or child-rearing.
I do have to admit I got a hearty chuckle over you glossing right over the hypothetical male in this hypothetical couple having had the exact same dating track record as the female.
Humans are sexually dimorphic. Male and female reproductive strategies differ due to inherent biological differences. No amount of wailing will change base mammalian reality on this matter.
If there is anything comical about this, it is you pretending that men and women should be expected to behave according to the same standard. Laughable in theory, and no one believes this in practice, either.
By the way, 20 year olds have been raising their children since the dawn of time. No need to project your own immaturity and impotence upon the healthy and virile.
Your sterile, geriatric, post-industrial society is a dying anomaly.
No amount of wailing will change it. But science, thankfully, has somewhat evened the playing field so that now women can be just as slutty as men. Procreation is no longer a nearly guaranteed outcome of sex for women. Cry about it 🤣
You do realize that this means that the majority of children (the future) will not allow your lifestyle to exist? The future will be very Muslim and very Christian, and modern feminism will be a footnote labeled "Decline of the West reason #7)." Let me guess, you do not care, right?
Watch as she frames the expectation of dependability and accountability in a wife as "considering women things to control". Ironically, having this attitude is exactly how women tend to end up getting used the most. It's really easy to manipulate a woman when all she needs from you is good vibes.
Sounds like something someone who cannot make a cogent argument would think/say.
Would it surprise you to know that, just like men, women who choose to safely enjoy casual sex can be both dependable and accountable? Or maybe you don’t believe men who choose to safely enjoy casual sex can be both dependable and accountable. Who knows? You “made your point” (hardly).
Honestly, the tenor of your writing sounds like you may be rather young, likely very inexperienced and, subsequently, idealistic. In which case, congratulations for being on Substack instead of TikTok. If you’re neither young or inexperienced, then your tenor comes across as someone who grew up in a fundamentalist family/culture. In which case, congratulations for being on Substack instead of TikTok. I will take your response as a farewell and wish you all the best in your endeavors. I sincerely hope you manage to get offline and gain some real world knowledge and experience. Cheers!
Other than divorce, what other legally binding contract between adults can be ended just because one of the two decides they "just don't feel like it anymore"?
I fully agree, no-fault divorce should be illegal. (and I say this as a gay man)
Well you terminate a contract, you stop getting the services. Happens all the time. OTOH, you could also abolish marriage and solve the issue at the root :)
Exactly. They say they want commitment but we are just an option. And when life doesn't turn out they way the Disney movie in their weak little minds says it should, they execute the anti-male marriage contract and wipe the floor with you. They should just call it what it is, a Feminst Divorce contract. I think every man should require a prenuptial agreement and a DNA test for every child she bares.
Exactly Jay, this is far truer, and more insightful than the assumptions asserted in the original piece.
Sexuality imprints on a person, and after bonding with a few (often times very few) men have learned that a woman’s ability to bond is harmed.
While she may be able to bond for a period of time, it becomes very doubtful that it will be for life.
Leading to the issue of how far can this go? The legal landscape of marriage for a man is very different than for women. Men in 2025 still have no reproductive rights and a court system that is measurably known to be prejudiced against them.
So do you risk your future, the future of aging parents who rely on you and the children’s lives that you dream of having, on someone who is incentivized unendingly to destroy the foundation you would build with her?
… or do you move on, look for someone who may not have the handicap of bonding struggles when you are taking the greatest risk of your life ( and the lives of everyone you love )?
It doesn't really matter why they are. It only matters that they are.
You can assign the blame 100% to the man, or 100% to the woman, or 50/50 to each. The result is the same.
If you think your partner is going to leave you in 2 years then you would be crazy to marry them if their leaving will be extremely disruptive.
You can imagine the worst man on the planet and it is still true. "I have her fooled for now but eventually she will find out that I am a lying cheating psychopath" and this man would still be foolish to get married because he knows he can not keep her fooled and then will suffer massive consequences and he doesn't want that.
Or you can imagine the nicest man on the planet. "I love her heart and soul and would do anything for her but in two years she will despise me and take everything". This man would -also- be foolish to walk into the meat grinder.
Walking into a meat grinder is foolish for anyone, regardless of how good or bad a person is.
I think you got the second case wrong. This man will have the best two years of his life, and that's also the point that this whole article misses complelty.
Love, no matter if imagined or real, true or false, totally stupid or intelligent, feels fucking good. Yes, the deeper you fall, the more it will hurt at the end and cost you.
That's the price you pay; nothing is for free. So it comes down to how you want to live your life and down to your character. Some people want to live life to the full and experience all the ecstasy and the unavoidable pain that comes with it, and others want to live an unemotional, bland life.
And maybe that also explains the difference between men and women sometimes.
How about we agree that men who call women that want to have fun and live life a bit more fully "sluts" call themselves "boring nerdy calculators"?
It is also a very wild assumption that a woman that has fun in her twenties and is therefore labeled a "slut" will always be a slut. That is just macho, patriarchal, insecure talk based in the eighteenth century, Mr. Author.
Many women have fun until they find the right man they love and want to have children and a family with and are very capable of stopping having fun with other men, stopping being "a slut", as the author puts it.
The author is funny and a good writer, but deep down an insecure, conservative, patriarchal, judgmental twat, in my opinion.
And I am a man, by the way.
And I am talking from real experience.
I fell in love with a woman he would call a "slut" only because she maybe slept with 20 guys and had three or four two-year relationships. And she was in her early 30ties and not the superhot 20-year old girl.
If she was a slut, so was I.
And we had really good sex and a turbulent but never boring marriage and family with three children, and she never left me because I was just the right man for her and I never left her because she was the right woman for me.
I am in my sixties now, and we are still married. I wouldn't say it was always easy, but it was totally worth it. We fight and cuddle, we love and we hate, because that's what humans do - it is called living a life, not "calculating" a life.
Most of you guys agreeing with the author here are simply too fucking scared to take any risks. And, as they say, no risk, no fun. Especially in relationships. You can't have it both ways. Your choice. Or is it?
Your anecdotal experience means nothing. There is well established research that shows that women with more sexual partners are more likely to divorce.
I belief you but this only applies to “calculator men” like yourself who are too scared to fall in love. People that think in probabilities and averages.
You either love a woman or you don’t. And if you do you will have a good time and beat the odds.
And anecdotal means everything, because it is real. Statistical means nothing because no-one is “the average man or woman”. You either belief in yourself and your woman or you don’t. And then you are in love and have a great time, you stop worrying and you live.
And if it breaks down at the end, so be it. Shit happens.
But you had a few brilliant years. I had both so far.
My first marriage ended in divorce, and while painful and financially draining, I have no regrets. It gifted me with a few amazing years and two great beautiful children I am still very close with.
And I risked it all again in the 2nd marriage because I didn’t want to become a lonely scared old fart sitting on the fence.
Twenty years later, so far, it worked out. It might still collapse. Nothing is certain. But at least I had 20 great years and another beautiful daughter giving meaning and passion to my life.
You chastise me for evaluating the merits of a woman for lifelong marriage, and then admit your recklessness got you divorced. You’re proving my point. On the other hand, my wife didn’t sleep around and has a good relationship with her father, two things that signal a likelihood of being a good marital partner, and we are still together. Looks like even anecdotally my method is superior to yours.
Well, it does seem like certain women do a lot of leaving. There are bad men as well, and women appear to like them the most, but for many men it can be a challenge to find women who want to get married and have values consistent with their own.
Most American men are better off seeking out women from other cultures. Something is wrong with ours when it comes to family. Most immigrants see it immediately. Luckily, American husbands are seen as a "good thing" by many cultures.
I was able to solve this problem for myself by choosing to date someone that:
1. Doesntly easily give men or women her attention.
2. Didn't sleep around (virgin).
3. Has healthy close relationships with her parents and family.
4. Shares my values.
5. Want my protection and a future with me.
The irony is that I came from a poor family with dysfunctional relationships. But I grew up in an era when poverty was something to escape from, not be romanticized. Because of my socio economic status, most fathers would have probably ruled me out.
But I was driven and highly disciplined as a teen so I stood out to her. Her family noticed. We married when she was 21 and I was 24. 32 years later, still going strong with 4 adult children and a grandchild.
These women are out there but are easily ignored when men are looking for just a good time.
Jealousy, and the potential for cheating are two huge obstacles for "wife-ing up a slut." You've written before about high body count people, and it would appear obvious that sex is sort of casual and something you do for fun, or release, not something to build a relationship with, if you are this type of person. I guess I didn't want to be looking over my shoulder all the time, to see if there's some sexier, richer, more "fun" guy hanging around my wife, sort of like a land mine ready to blow up my life. Like Jay says, these patterns of behavior are likely to be recurrent, and I wouldn't accept that risk, no matter how urgent my desire for the woman would be. I chose to date for years a woman who never slept around, and it has been a good marriage for several decades and counting. Thanks, John (and Jay.)
Unbelievable. Aren't there any adults in the room? If you tell your boss you steal from time to time, your boss sees you, forever, as a potential thief. If a woman tells a man she is a slut, he sees her as a slut, forever. The image you paint of yourself is indelible.
Sex is like a nuclear reaction. Properly harnessed it's a force for good - safe and powerful. Marriage is the reactor. You have to build the reactor first, and certify it, before you can activate it.
Try turning it on before you finish constructing it and you get a meltdown that poisons everthing around it.
Anecdotally, but I think making evolutionary sense, men seem to have much more an issue with women having many sexual partners than vice versa.
And women have much more of an issue with men’s past long term relationships than vice versa.
Given that men are “programmed” by their DNA to seek as many sexual partners as possible, it makes sense that psychologically women have come to tolerate this.
Given that women are “programmed” by their DNA to seek out long term relationships, it makes sense that psychologically men have come to tolerate this.
Also it’s amusing that some people don’t seem to get the relative difficulties men and women face in sleeping with members of the opposite sex.
I think it was Rachel McAdams’ character in True Detective that made the incredibly banal point that, “if a woman sleeps with the male football team, she’s a slut. If a man sleeps with the entire female football team, he’s a hero”. She then shakes her head in bewilderment.
Like the ease of the task the woman faced in that situation versus the near impossibility of the task the man faced just hasn’t dawned on her. Yes, that man is a hero 😂
Evo-psych is one of the weakest forms of psychology I have ever seen. You are looking for paleontological evidence, and most paleontological evidence is of things that easily fossilize. Mainly bones and impressions. It's one of the reasons why the specific colour of dinosaurs is such a hot debate topic.
Tell me, how easily does "behaviour" fossilize? Is it easier or harder to fossilize mating habits or skin pigmentation?
I don't buy evolution. I rather like the Christian idea of a marriage.
A mated male-female pair, in both the sexual and non-sexual senses. A complimentary set working toward a common goal and providing a stable, loving environment in which to raise several members of the next generation.
No person worth taking seriously says the word patriarchy. Say something more detailed and tangible, otherwise you're just a clown painted wind-up toy.
Men don't want to wife up sluts, and sluts should probably stop being so slutty. Even if it's grand for them (which it rarely seems to be) it's not so good for society.
It might be time to return to a bit of collectivism in the construction of our values. A larger dose of shame would be good as well.
I don’t think anyone can be TURNED into a slut, but obviously men are also participants.
The real men to blame would probably be, in many cases, the women’s fathers.
But men and women are different. They express aggression differently, they compete differently… and there are different societal effects of them being promiscuous. Female sluttiness is bad because it destroys monogamy by giving men easy access to sexual resources that they would otherwise have to commit for and earn. We’re all in this together… but just as it would be FAR worse for society if men became much more aggressive it’s far worse for society when women become slutty. The choice, ultimately, is theirs.
You should get back to spending your wages on OnlyFans pics, winner.
LOL "we're all in this together"--"females are slutty for touching the males who chase after them, but who don't bear the responsibility even though they're the source of the filth."
Women bear primary responsibility for their own sexual behavior, just like all adults. Men are only partly responsible for sluttiness COLLECTIVELY. If a woman fucks 100 men each man might’ve coupled with her a single time. Each man in this scenario is average and reasonable. The woman has created the sluttiness, through her habitual behavior.
Who cares where the blame lies though? The point is that slutty women hurt social norms.
If you want women to have agency they’re going to need to bear some responsibility too. That’s just how this works.
"Slutty women" -- women who won't have sex with you but dare to have sex with other men.
Men are the sluts. They are the problem. They are 80% of Tinder. Women aren't the source. That's your retarded male porn brain talking.
This is why men shouldn't be allowed to vote. You guys destroy everything with your stupid behavior and then act like it's women's fault because you're stupid but also really logical, then act like the blame doesn't matter.
Men shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Btw, if a man wanted to have sex with 100 women in a night, he couldn't get that many women to show up. Because women aren't the problem. Men are the problem.
No. “Slutty women” = women that don’t demand commitment or investment before sex. This is a great situation for men… but it’s bad for other women (which is why sluttiness is still HIGHLY stigmatized among women-what’s a worse label for a woman than ‘slut’?) and it’s bad for society.
You probably have a different set of sexual ethics but you live in a culture with the lowest birthrate, the least amount of sex, and the weakest marriages and relationships in human history. Also, our mental health is terrible (especially women, ESPECIALLY especially liberal woman). At some point it’ll be necessary to try something else. Fortunately, human nature will still be here, completely unchanged.
It’s me. I am the ultimate slut-maker. All sluts are sluts because of me, personally. The woman you had a crush on in highschool? I made her a slut. Your ex-wife who cheated on you? She cheated with me. My penis stretches across time and space, being the sole cause of all women’s sluttiness.
Dang, you're so angry that you didn't even try to deprecate him. You just condemned him instead. You deprecate men that can't get laid, and despise men who can. Most people would rather be despised than deprecated, so you're literally rewarding what you hate most by behaving like this.
I’m not sure if you were replying to me but I’m in a happy, long-term relationship. I’m not talking about myself, or individuals at all. That’s the issue… we think if individuals are satisfied society will be fine. Society needs rules and norms and they must be grounded in reality. Without these all the personal choice in the world won’t mean anything. We’re still using a monogamous framework but it’s decaying and the signs are evident everywhere: birthrates, marriage, mental health, divorce… loneliness.
I’ve spoken to Kat before. She tends to be emotional and insults her interlocutor EVERY SINGLE TIME 😂. I just ignore it. It’s like a verbal tic - she can’t help it.
It makes her look awful. I try to ignore it and focus on the argument she's attempting, but it is very difficult. The "tic" is there precisely to distract from the fact that the argument is weak. That's the conclusion the average observer walks away with anyway.
It basically means some ass hat can string a few words together but says either shit or nothing but their college professor passed them for process, not scrutinizing the work for insightful content. It means the writer was indoctrinated.
Railed! Her Substack is called “railed”. 😂Modern feminism everyone. You can’t make it up. These daughters of the pornosphere are lost in space. What have we done to them?
Don’t cook, don’t clean - that’s patriarchy, but sell your body - that’s fine. And to children! Teen boys! That’s above criticism. Insane, Modern Internet Pornography’s target market has always been teen boys. It’s just a smug giggle and not worth examining. Insane. Feminism is elitism.
You can't keep their legs shut wihtout a guy telling you? Of course if I recommend not having sex until marriage then I'm just trying to control women. You females have absolutly lost your minds. Why can't you just be honest and admit you don't care about equity, you want total control because you're so much smarter and moral than men. You're all spoiled brats, and I do mean all of you. You've been raised to expect men to abide buy the old rules when it suits you, and feminism when it doesn't. And the legal system has been an enabler which is why 80% of divorce is initiated by women. A marriage contract is the only leagal contract that benefits one party. You just go on thinking you're superior and monkey branching until you find your 666 and we'll see you in 10 years balling your eyes out in Tiktok because you're single and can't find a "good man." You have so little self-awareness it's funny.
Men claim to be the logical ones while projecting as they behave irrationally.
Men have the weight and height advantage. No woman is holding men down with superior upper body strength and forcing anything. Males are the ones who use force and commit sexual violence.
Go talk to the Taliban about your amazing ideas.
I don’t care that you’re too ugly to get Tinder matches. Nobody cares.
Just another feminist jealous of men. I love it when you Marxists insult me. Not only are you admitting you have no argument, but it upsets you that you lost. And you will keep on loosing. Deal with it better.
I’d rather wait until after getting married. After I find someone I like, who meets my basic requirements, most of which common among both sexes (loves dogs, no alcohol, tobacco or drugs, equal give and take, good communication). Plus a few other things I want in a woman.
The thing I like about cats is they have everything they need to do their job in their own individual bodies. They're autonomous. Dogs are pack predators with all the positives and negative that entials.
Unlike a dog, a cat doesn't need its boys to back it up.
As a formerly promiscuous woman in my youth long ago, I can vouch for the fact that sex with strangers is not wise. There are repercussions. I am glad to be celibate!
I used to think posts like this were unfair to women, I still do a little bit, but they have such truth to them it's difficult to argue. A person's past behavior, man or woman, is a great indicator of their future behavior. If a woman is a shut now chances are marriage isn't magically going to make her become a faithful wife to some guy anymore more than a guy who cheats on his girlfriends is magically going to stop cheating once married. Being a slut is a choice a woman makes and she has to live with the consequences of said choice. Woman would be better served to be taught from childhood that choices have long term consequences in life. Unfortunately most women, and some men, aren't taught that and thus are shocked when reality punches them in the face.
Is it fair? No. But nobody ever said life was fair, and expecting it to be so will only end in unhappiness.
I am probably a little atypical. But for me...
It's not that I really care about her past, it's that I care about her future. And the single best predictor of her future is her past.
From my experience, women do most of the leaving in a relationship. So she wants to get into a relationship, and I look back at the wreckage of her past relationships, and I think "you've left all those people and you're going to leave me too".
So the answer to the question of "why don't you include me in your long term plans" is because all available evidence is that you won't be around long term and I don't need the disruption when you inevitably decide to leave me like you did all the others.
So considering two hypotheticals.
Two 20 year olds, neither with any real past, both basically broke, the woman says "lets build something together". You have no real reason to trust her but you have no reason to distrust her either. Her family is intact so you think "yeah maybe she intends to do that". And of course plans change, but you're broke so you're not really risking anything and she's a 20 year old in near peak physical form. It's a bit of a gamble on an unknown. But the worse case is you lose nothing because you have nothing and got lots of hot sex with a 20 year old. The best case is hot sex with a 20 year old who also turns into a loving wife and children. Take the risk. Worth it.
So now, fast forward 10 years. She has had 5 relationships averaging 2 years each. Not even a slut using the standards of the year 2025. She's still attractive but she's not rocking that 20 year old body either. He's not fabulously wealthy but he is starting to gain real traction; growth will be substantial in 10 years if he doesn't squander it.
Now, you're this guy. Your relationship status isn't great but you're not sexually starved like your 20 year old self was - like her you have also navigated 5 or so relationships averaging 2 years each. If this one ends, you expect another to come along, just like she does.
You haven't always made good or wise decisions but you're much better at making them now. And she says roughly "why don't you risk everything you've done so far in life on me". And the answer is because "you are not a good bet".
Unlike in your 20s, if she leaves now she will be wiping out years of what you have worked for.
And all evidence is she will be gone in 2 years. That's what she does. That is what she has -always- done. Why would this time be any different? She has a well established pattern of behavior.
You've been through this before. You don't need that sort of chaos in your life. Not again. Not anymore.
It's going to be pretty hard to convince this man. You're going to need to demonstrate years of new behavior before he's going to believe it. If you're with him for 2 years he's not going to be convinced. Lots of guys have been with her for 2 years. By year 4 he's starting to think it's different, but who really knows. Maybe by year 6 he will think she's actually in it for the long haul.
But the women whining about commitment don't want to demonstrate commitment for 6 years. They want you to wife them up right now on the front end, before they've demonstrated any change in behavior.
Another option is to stop considering women as things to control. Relationships…any relationships…are not risk mitigation scenarios. Nor are the people involved stagnant, inanimate objects for you to observe, assess, consume, or use. There is literally no universe in which any 20-year-old is emotionally, experientially, or otherwise prepared to navigate marriage or child-rearing.
I do have to admit I got a hearty chuckle over you glossing right over the hypothetical male in this hypothetical couple having had the exact same dating track record as the female.
Humans are sexually dimorphic. Male and female reproductive strategies differ due to inherent biological differences. No amount of wailing will change base mammalian reality on this matter.
If there is anything comical about this, it is you pretending that men and women should be expected to behave according to the same standard. Laughable in theory, and no one believes this in practice, either.
By the way, 20 year olds have been raising their children since the dawn of time. No need to project your own immaturity and impotence upon the healthy and virile.
Your sterile, geriatric, post-industrial society is a dying anomaly.
No amount of wailing will change it. But science, thankfully, has somewhat evened the playing field so that now women can be just as slutty as men. Procreation is no longer a nearly guaranteed outcome of sex for women. Cry about it 🤣
You do realize that this means that the majority of children (the future) will not allow your lifestyle to exist? The future will be very Muslim and very Christian, and modern feminism will be a footnote labeled "Decline of the West reason #7)." Let me guess, you do not care, right?
I don’t even understand what the phrase “allow your lifestyle to exist”means.
Watch as she frames the expectation of dependability and accountability in a wife as "considering women things to control". Ironically, having this attitude is exactly how women tend to end up getting used the most. It's really easy to manipulate a woman when all she needs from you is good vibes.
“considering women things to control” Huh?
My point was made. It's not required that you grasp what I wrote, or even what you wrote, apparently. You're excused.
Sounds like something someone who cannot make a cogent argument would think/say.
Would it surprise you to know that, just like men, women who choose to safely enjoy casual sex can be both dependable and accountable? Or maybe you don’t believe men who choose to safely enjoy casual sex can be both dependable and accountable. Who knows? You “made your point” (hardly).
Honestly, the tenor of your writing sounds like you may be rather young, likely very inexperienced and, subsequently, idealistic. In which case, congratulations for being on Substack instead of TikTok. If you’re neither young or inexperienced, then your tenor comes across as someone who grew up in a fundamentalist family/culture. In which case, congratulations for being on Substack instead of TikTok. I will take your response as a farewell and wish you all the best in your endeavors. I sincerely hope you manage to get offline and gain some real world knowledge and experience. Cheers!
You’ve made a lot of claims:
In a century the population of all liberal countries will collapse unless immigration is sustained
This is the reason European countries let in so many immigrants while claiming that they will stop. They have no choice
the decline looks terrifying
If you like the idea of women having rights after you are gone, then people with liberal beliefs need to have children.
European countries will be Muslim next century.
etc
Where are you getting this information?
It took twelve years for my husband to wife up.
LOL
Other than divorce, what other legally binding contract between adults can be ended just because one of the two decides they "just don't feel like it anymore"?
I fully agree, no-fault divorce should be illegal. (and I say this as a gay man)
Well you terminate a contract, you stop getting the services. Happens all the time. OTOH, you could also abolish marriage and solve the issue at the root :)
Or you could legally enforce the "till death do us part" thing...unless somebody can prove she's cheating or he's throwing punches.
Exactly. They say they want commitment but we are just an option. And when life doesn't turn out they way the Disney movie in their weak little minds says it should, they execute the anti-male marriage contract and wipe the floor with you. They should just call it what it is, a Feminst Divorce contract. I think every man should require a prenuptial agreement and a DNA test for every child she bares.
Truth
This is a great response.
💯 The need of attention and validation will likely not fade for long.
Exactly Jay, this is far truer, and more insightful than the assumptions asserted in the original piece.
Sexuality imprints on a person, and after bonding with a few (often times very few) men have learned that a woman’s ability to bond is harmed.
While she may be able to bond for a period of time, it becomes very doubtful that it will be for life.
Leading to the issue of how far can this go? The legal landscape of marriage for a man is very different than for women. Men in 2025 still have no reproductive rights and a court system that is measurably known to be prejudiced against them.
So do you risk your future, the future of aging parents who rely on you and the children’s lives that you dream of having, on someone who is incentivized unendingly to destroy the foundation you would build with her?
… or do you move on, look for someone who may not have the handicap of bonding struggles when you are taking the greatest risk of your life ( and the lives of everyone you love )?
It doesn't really matter why they are. It only matters that they are.
You can assign the blame 100% to the man, or 100% to the woman, or 50/50 to each. The result is the same.
If you think your partner is going to leave you in 2 years then you would be crazy to marry them if their leaving will be extremely disruptive.
You can imagine the worst man on the planet and it is still true. "I have her fooled for now but eventually she will find out that I am a lying cheating psychopath" and this man would still be foolish to get married because he knows he can not keep her fooled and then will suffer massive consequences and he doesn't want that.
Or you can imagine the nicest man on the planet. "I love her heart and soul and would do anything for her but in two years she will despise me and take everything". This man would -also- be foolish to walk into the meat grinder.
Walking into a meat grinder is foolish for anyone, regardless of how good or bad a person is.
I think you got the second case wrong. This man will have the best two years of his life, and that's also the point that this whole article misses complelty.
Love, no matter if imagined or real, true or false, totally stupid or intelligent, feels fucking good. Yes, the deeper you fall, the more it will hurt at the end and cost you.
That's the price you pay; nothing is for free. So it comes down to how you want to live your life and down to your character. Some people want to live life to the full and experience all the ecstasy and the unavoidable pain that comes with it, and others want to live an unemotional, bland life.
And maybe that also explains the difference between men and women sometimes.
How about we agree that men who call women that want to have fun and live life a bit more fully "sluts" call themselves "boring nerdy calculators"?
It is also a very wild assumption that a woman that has fun in her twenties and is therefore labeled a "slut" will always be a slut. That is just macho, patriarchal, insecure talk based in the eighteenth century, Mr. Author.
Many women have fun until they find the right man they love and want to have children and a family with and are very capable of stopping having fun with other men, stopping being "a slut", as the author puts it.
The author is funny and a good writer, but deep down an insecure, conservative, patriarchal, judgmental twat, in my opinion.
And I am a man, by the way.
And I am talking from real experience.
I fell in love with a woman he would call a "slut" only because she maybe slept with 20 guys and had three or four two-year relationships. And she was in her early 30ties and not the superhot 20-year old girl.
If she was a slut, so was I.
And we had really good sex and a turbulent but never boring marriage and family with three children, and she never left me because I was just the right man for her and I never left her because she was the right woman for me.
I am in my sixties now, and we are still married. I wouldn't say it was always easy, but it was totally worth it. We fight and cuddle, we love and we hate, because that's what humans do - it is called living a life, not "calculating" a life.
Most of you guys agreeing with the author here are simply too fucking scared to take any risks. And, as they say, no risk, no fun. Especially in relationships. You can't have it both ways. Your choice. Or is it?
Your anecdotal experience means nothing. There is well established research that shows that women with more sexual partners are more likely to divorce.
I belief you but this only applies to “calculator men” like yourself who are too scared to fall in love. People that think in probabilities and averages.
You either love a woman or you don’t. And if you do you will have a good time and beat the odds.
And anecdotal means everything, because it is real. Statistical means nothing because no-one is “the average man or woman”. You either belief in yourself and your woman or you don’t. And then you are in love and have a great time, you stop worrying and you live.
And if it breaks down at the end, so be it. Shit happens.
But you had a few brilliant years. I had both so far.
My first marriage ended in divorce, and while painful and financially draining, I have no regrets. It gifted me with a few amazing years and two great beautiful children I am still very close with.
And I risked it all again in the 2nd marriage because I didn’t want to become a lonely scared old fart sitting on the fence.
Twenty years later, so far, it worked out. It might still collapse. Nothing is certain. But at least I had 20 great years and another beautiful daughter giving meaning and passion to my life.
You chastise me for evaluating the merits of a woman for lifelong marriage, and then admit your recklessness got you divorced. You’re proving my point. On the other hand, my wife didn’t sleep around and has a good relationship with her father, two things that signal a likelihood of being a good marital partner, and we are still together. Looks like even anecdotally my method is superior to yours.
It’s not about risks, really. Men are guaranteed to be fucked 100% under this system where they have all the responsibility and none of the privilege.
Well, it does seem like certain women do a lot of leaving. There are bad men as well, and women appear to like them the most, but for many men it can be a challenge to find women who want to get married and have values consistent with their own.
Most American men are better off seeking out women from other cultures. Something is wrong with ours when it comes to family. Most immigrants see it immediately. Luckily, American husbands are seen as a "good thing" by many cultures.
Wow, zero awareness. You should come with a warning label
Not right.
I was able to solve this problem for myself by choosing to date someone that:
1. Doesntly easily give men or women her attention.
2. Didn't sleep around (virgin).
3. Has healthy close relationships with her parents and family.
4. Shares my values.
5. Want my protection and a future with me.
The irony is that I came from a poor family with dysfunctional relationships. But I grew up in an era when poverty was something to escape from, not be romanticized. Because of my socio economic status, most fathers would have probably ruled me out.
But I was driven and highly disciplined as a teen so I stood out to her. Her family noticed. We married when she was 21 and I was 24. 32 years later, still going strong with 4 adult children and a grandchild.
These women are out there but are easily ignored when men are looking for just a good time.
Beautiful. Well stated.
Your comment was so nice to read wonderful, bless you both 😀
Congratulations Pastor Tee! To you, your beautiful wife and your family🥰♥️ This is how it should be :)
Thk you. I am grateful to God.
Wow, I am shocked at how popular this post has been. If any of you are interested in me and my wife's story, check out this 4 part series on our marriage: https://pastortee1.substack.com/p/they-said-it-wouldnt-last?r=2f8wkh
Notice: This advice not valid after age 35.
Jealousy, and the potential for cheating are two huge obstacles for "wife-ing up a slut." You've written before about high body count people, and it would appear obvious that sex is sort of casual and something you do for fun, or release, not something to build a relationship with, if you are this type of person. I guess I didn't want to be looking over my shoulder all the time, to see if there's some sexier, richer, more "fun" guy hanging around my wife, sort of like a land mine ready to blow up my life. Like Jay says, these patterns of behavior are likely to be recurrent, and I wouldn't accept that risk, no matter how urgent my desire for the woman would be. I chose to date for years a woman who never slept around, and it has been a good marriage for several decades and counting. Thanks, John (and Jay.)
Excellent response.
Unbelievable. Aren't there any adults in the room? If you tell your boss you steal from time to time, your boss sees you, forever, as a potential thief. If a woman tells a man she is a slut, he sees her as a slut, forever. The image you paint of yourself is indelible.
Well some men only ever have sex with one woman and it's the one they are married to. Sex is like melding two metals into an alloy.
Sex is like a nuclear reaction. Properly harnessed it's a force for good - safe and powerful. Marriage is the reactor. You have to build the reactor first, and certify it, before you can activate it.
Try turning it on before you finish constructing it and you get a meltdown that poisons everthing around it.
Anecdotally, but I think making evolutionary sense, men seem to have much more an issue with women having many sexual partners than vice versa.
And women have much more of an issue with men’s past long term relationships than vice versa.
Given that men are “programmed” by their DNA to seek as many sexual partners as possible, it makes sense that psychologically women have come to tolerate this.
Given that women are “programmed” by their DNA to seek out long term relationships, it makes sense that psychologically men have come to tolerate this.
Also it’s amusing that some people don’t seem to get the relative difficulties men and women face in sleeping with members of the opposite sex.
I think it was Rachel McAdams’ character in True Detective that made the incredibly banal point that, “if a woman sleeps with the male football team, she’s a slut. If a man sleeps with the entire female football team, he’s a hero”. She then shakes her head in bewilderment.
Like the ease of the task the woman faced in that situation versus the near impossibility of the task the man faced just hasn’t dawned on her. Yes, that man is a hero 😂
Evo-psych is one of the weakest forms of psychology I have ever seen. You are looking for paleontological evidence, and most paleontological evidence is of things that easily fossilize. Mainly bones and impressions. It's one of the reasons why the specific colour of dinosaurs is such a hot debate topic.
Tell me, how easily does "behaviour" fossilize? Is it easier or harder to fossilize mating habits or skin pigmentation?
I don't buy evolution. I rather like the Christian idea of a marriage.
A mated male-female pair, in both the sexual and non-sexual senses. A complimentary set working toward a common goal and providing a stable, loving environment in which to raise several members of the next generation.
No person worth taking seriously says the word patriarchy. Say something more detailed and tangible, otherwise you're just a clown painted wind-up toy.
Men don't want to wife up sluts, and sluts should probably stop being so slutty. Even if it's grand for them (which it rarely seems to be) it's not so good for society.
It might be time to return to a bit of collectivism in the construction of our values. A larger dose of shame would be good as well.
https://jmpolemic.substack.com/p/its-a-womans-duty-to-choose-well
Now, who is sleeping with these women and turning them into “sluts”?
Ghosts? Apparitions?
Men are crazy.
I don’t think anyone can be TURNED into a slut, but obviously men are also participants.
The real men to blame would probably be, in many cases, the women’s fathers.
But men and women are different. They express aggression differently, they compete differently… and there are different societal effects of them being promiscuous. Female sluttiness is bad because it destroys monogamy by giving men easy access to sexual resources that they would otherwise have to commit for and earn. We’re all in this together… but just as it would be FAR worse for society if men became much more aggressive it’s far worse for society when women become slutty. The choice, ultimately, is theirs.
You should get back to spending your wages on OnlyFans pics, winner.
LOL "we're all in this together"--"females are slutty for touching the males who chase after them, but who don't bear the responsibility even though they're the source of the filth."
Men shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Women bear primary responsibility for their own sexual behavior, just like all adults. Men are only partly responsible for sluttiness COLLECTIVELY. If a woman fucks 100 men each man might’ve coupled with her a single time. Each man in this scenario is average and reasonable. The woman has created the sluttiness, through her habitual behavior.
Who cares where the blame lies though? The point is that slutty women hurt social norms.
If you want women to have agency they’re going to need to bear some responsibility too. That’s just how this works.
"Slutty women" -- women who won't have sex with you but dare to have sex with other men.
Men are the sluts. They are the problem. They are 80% of Tinder. Women aren't the source. That's your retarded male porn brain talking.
This is why men shouldn't be allowed to vote. You guys destroy everything with your stupid behavior and then act like it's women's fault because you're stupid but also really logical, then act like the blame doesn't matter.
Men shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Btw, if a man wanted to have sex with 100 women in a night, he couldn't get that many women to show up. Because women aren't the problem. Men are the problem.
Get back to your Andrew Tate TikToks, loser.
No. “Slutty women” = women that don’t demand commitment or investment before sex. This is a great situation for men… but it’s bad for other women (which is why sluttiness is still HIGHLY stigmatized among women-what’s a worse label for a woman than ‘slut’?) and it’s bad for society.
You probably have a different set of sexual ethics but you live in a culture with the lowest birthrate, the least amount of sex, and the weakest marriages and relationships in human history. Also, our mental health is terrible (especially women, ESPECIALLY especially liberal woman). At some point it’ll be necessary to try something else. Fortunately, human nature will still be here, completely unchanged.
Simp
It’s me. I am the ultimate slut-maker. All sluts are sluts because of me, personally. The woman you had a crush on in highschool? I made her a slut. Your ex-wife who cheated on you? She cheated with me. My penis stretches across time and space, being the sole cause of all women’s sluttiness.
It was me, Barry!
You’re going to be sent to the mines, where you belong.
Dang, you're so angry that you didn't even try to deprecate him. You just condemned him instead. You deprecate men that can't get laid, and despise men who can. Most people would rather be despised than deprecated, so you're literally rewarding what you hate most by behaving like this.
Hey there as a fellow woman I am not buying what you are selling. Use your heart not your head. See where you wind up ;)
I’m not sure if you were replying to me but I’m in a happy, long-term relationship. I’m not talking about myself, or individuals at all. That’s the issue… we think if individuals are satisfied society will be fine. Society needs rules and norms and they must be grounded in reality. Without these all the personal choice in the world won’t mean anything. We’re still using a monogamous framework but it’s decaying and the signs are evident everywhere: birthrates, marriage, mental health, divorce… loneliness.
I’ve spoken to Kat before. She tends to be emotional and insults her interlocutor EVERY SINGLE TIME 😂. I just ignore it. It’s like a verbal tic - she can’t help it.
It makes her look awful. I try to ignore it and focus on the argument she's attempting, but it is very difficult. The "tic" is there precisely to distract from the fact that the argument is weak. That's the conclusion the average observer walks away with anyway.
You handle yourself admirably.
Using one's heart instead of one's head is why the world is in such a mess.
Okay, hope you get picked, sis
She didn't accidentally get good in bed.
Very stupid response, Kay…
It basically means some ass hat can string a few words together but says either shit or nothing but their college professor passed them for process, not scrutinizing the work for insightful content. It means the writer was indoctrinated.
“Restrictions on all but the most egregious instances of aggression or property crime lead to injustice and to widespread unhappiness.”
I couldn’t make it past this. What does this even mean?
Generally, men don’t want to think that their wife has been hostess to a thousand wieners….. blunt but true.
Railed! Her Substack is called “railed”. 😂Modern feminism everyone. You can’t make it up. These daughters of the pornosphere are lost in space. What have we done to them?
Don’t cook, don’t clean - that’s patriarchy, but sell your body - that’s fine. And to children! Teen boys! That’s above criticism. Insane, Modern Internet Pornography’s target market has always been teen boys. It’s just a smug giggle and not worth examining. Insane. Feminism is elitism.
Just came across you tonight. Really great piece. You put into words something I’ve always intuitively felt. Thank you!
Thank you!
This is funny bc nobody wants to husband up any of you losers.
Tinder is 80% male. There’s a reason for it.
And those “sluts” became “sluts” how—on their own? How exactly did they manage that?
Men shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
Ah the defensive chick. Can read but apparently cannot understand what she just read.
LOL
Like this is so complicated to understand, as all males are.
So it's men's fault again🤣🤨
You can't keep their legs shut wihtout a guy telling you? Of course if I recommend not having sex until marriage then I'm just trying to control women. You females have absolutly lost your minds. Why can't you just be honest and admit you don't care about equity, you want total control because you're so much smarter and moral than men. You're all spoiled brats, and I do mean all of you. You've been raised to expect men to abide buy the old rules when it suits you, and feminism when it doesn't. And the legal system has been an enabler which is why 80% of divorce is initiated by women. A marriage contract is the only leagal contract that benefits one party. You just go on thinking you're superior and monkey branching until you find your 666 and we'll see you in 10 years balling your eyes out in Tiktok because you're single and can't find a "good man." You have so little self-awareness it's funny.
Men claim to be the logical ones while projecting as they behave irrationally.
Men have the weight and height advantage. No woman is holding men down with superior upper body strength and forcing anything. Males are the ones who use force and commit sexual violence.
Go talk to the Taliban about your amazing ideas.
I don’t care that you’re too ugly to get Tinder matches. Nobody cares.
Just another feminist jealous of men. I love it when you Marxists insult me. Not only are you admitting you have no argument, but it upsets you that you lost. And you will keep on loosing. Deal with it better.
I’d rather wait until after getting married. After I find someone I like, who meets my basic requirements, most of which common among both sexes (loves dogs, no alcohol, tobacco or drugs, equal give and take, good communication). Plus a few other things I want in a woman.
Well I suppose if you swing that way 😂
I like cats, too. Dogs are my favorite.
Our feline friends can be very dogmatic that “Treats are required worship, not rewards for good behaviour”….. :P
The thing I like about cats is they have everything they need to do their job in their own individual bodies. They're autonomous. Dogs are pack predators with all the positives and negative that entials.
Unlike a dog, a cat doesn't need its boys to back it up.
Only dogs, not cats too? ;)
As a formerly promiscuous woman in my youth long ago, I can vouch for the fact that sex with strangers is not wise. There are repercussions. I am glad to be celibate!
Truth!
I used to think posts like this were unfair to women, I still do a little bit, but they have such truth to them it's difficult to argue. A person's past behavior, man or woman, is a great indicator of their future behavior. If a woman is a shut now chances are marriage isn't magically going to make her become a faithful wife to some guy anymore more than a guy who cheats on his girlfriends is magically going to stop cheating once married. Being a slut is a choice a woman makes and she has to live with the consequences of said choice. Woman would be better served to be taught from childhood that choices have long term consequences in life. Unfortunately most women, and some men, aren't taught that and thus are shocked when reality punches them in the face.
Is it fair? No. But nobody ever said life was fair, and expecting it to be so will only end in unhappiness.
Outlaw ‘alimony’. Problem solved. Also very mysoginistic in its nature. Wonder why the feminists never mentioned it 🙁
Teaching a blowjob class is female equivalent of male running a PUA seminar.