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Russell Reich's avatar

Really enjoying your writing, John. I parked on my phone the collection below of tips for women who are dating online; might be of interest to those drawn to your essay. And if a woman wants to write a parallel list for men based on her online dating experience, I’m sure I wouldn’t be alone on welcoming it:

What’s with the sunglasses? They don’t make you look chic; they communicate that you’re hiding something, that you don’t want to be here, or that you hate the way you look. Maybe all three. Shady indeed.

Smile in your photos. No one wants to date Eeyore.

You couldn’t comb your hair? Put on a little makeup? If you’re not going to do it for your profile photo, you’re not likely to do it ever. And men really like it when you make that effort to be feminine. What’s that? You want to be accepted for who and what you authentically are? Well then I’ll assume you don’t wear deodorant either.

(Have you considered the possibility that you’re projecting exactly what WON’T attract another person, because you don’t think you deserve it?)

What’s with the dogs? I like dogs, but if you’re communicating that dogs are The Most Important Thing to you, I might conclude that people aren’t. Dog ladies are the new cat ladies. Pass.

Look: it’s you with two, three, four other people. Which one is you again? I might like that other one better.

Don’t bother revealing anything unique, meaningful or interesting about yourself. Knowing whether you prefer beaches to mountains is all I ever need to know.

There is no reason whatsoever to put effort into your profile. It’s not like who you choose as your life partner is important. Keep doing what you’re doing, and get what you’ve always got.

You say you’re funny, even hilarious, but provide no evidence. Nothing you wrote is remotely funny. Don’t tell. Show. Then I’ll believe you.

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jay's avatar

RE divorced: As a 64 year old man, I finally realized that I have a fundamental problem dating in America. A woman in her 20s is unlikely to be interested in me. I might find a woman who has a thing for older men, but probably not. And any woman older than that is probably divorced. And odds are, she probably initiated the divorce. So if I get involved with such a women, I know going in that she doesn't take marriage vows seriously. When my second wife divorced me, I said to her that she had made a vow and should stay and work things out. She replied, quote, "You can't expect me to stay with you until death due us part just because I made a vow." And I thought, umm, that's what a vow is.

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