He should not consider it. From start to finish she exhibited conduct which indicates her unsuitability as a wife and mother. She didn’t know her best friend had a low character ? Come on. One thing to return home and calmly tell him of the accusation and talk it out quite another to immediately fly off handle storm out and send police for children. The one inviolable rule is one never involves kids in these events protecting them from any adverse information they are not directly involved in. You speak well of each other providing as limited info as possible. In a sane world the children would be awarded to him with only supervised visits with her if any. Her actions border on child abuse and are enough to make one feel ill, in such a situation one’s children should be one’s primary concern heartbreaking to think what she put them through
I was a lawyer with some training in family law, and I think your reply frames the issues succinctly and correctly. She is fortunate that he does not sue her for defamation, if I was representing him I might suggest we prepare a case while the witnesses are still fresh in their recollection, and then decide if we also have grounds to file to have her parental rights terminated. Why be so extreme? Such a person cannot be trusted; she will very probably create much more mischief, perhaps inventing new abuse charges, when he refuses her demand that they get back together. Leave her to her new boyfriend, she had moved on. As far as the claim others have made about owing it to God to restore the marriage, "hardness of heart" is considered a valid ground for divorce; clearly she had no forgiveness for him in her soul, as she refused to even listen to his denials about his alleged infidelity.
She is child abuser problem being if he lost an attempt at sole custody she could become worse with the children. Very nuanced perhaps she will meet another man and will calm down. I could see myself becoming violent if my spouse emotionally traumatized my child. I cannot believe people they seem to be getting worse by the year.
She made a life-changing decision for her entire family, irretrievably breaking apart their family, on the word of one person without even asking her husband and father of her children for his side of the issue. She never charged him, never let him defend himself, just found him guilty on the basis of one person's word.
That's inexcusable. You never make any consequential decision without consulting both sides. She ruined his life. She ruined their children's lives.
She can never make that right. He should get the kids, house, and dog.
And why would she have as a friend, such a misandrist harpy in the first place?
No. That, however, does not imply we should not protect our children and ourselves from people who are not yet redeemed, or who for other reasons are harmful to our walk with and in Christ.
He should not take her back. Trust is the cornerstone of any good marriage and on top of that, her behavior was way over the top. I can't stand it when parents use their children as pawns.
This woman should not have any relationship with her children. They are better off without her, and though we only have the man's side of the story, he sounds like he should be able to find a good woman to marry who would be a better mother than their birth mother.
In his shoes, I'm not sure I'd even bother trying to date again. Facing that kind of betrayal a second time seems like it would be too difficult. He'd be better off focusing his spare energy on first his kids and second his hobbies.
I understand the feeling behind this, but I would suggest that this woman is an outlier; that the vast majority of women are honest, kind, and understanding. My wife would never fly off the handle at some ridiculous charge as this, first she would give me the benefit of the doubt, and failing that, she would have to have corroboration to any accusation, because well, some people lie. Kids need a mom, too, IMO.
Finding a new mate could be very tricky for him. He did, after all, choose the first loser. I find it hard to believe that the signs of her true character weren't there for him to see before he made that choice. Sometimes, it takes learning the hard way to actually wise up. For him, it could probably go either way.
The way he wrote his post made it sound like he was totally blindsided... but there weren't any warning signs? I agree, it seems like there would have been some sort of red flag. My brother's wife divorced him, and he seemed not to see it coming, but when he talked about the months leading up to it there were all sorts of things going on.
After what she put the kids through ... but wait. What evidence do we have that things happened the way he says? If the story is true, then no, keep away from her. But if it's not, that's a different story.
Certainly the man is correct to cut off ties with this narcissist wife- there's no doubt If it were my husband, there's no way I'd condemn him and crater my kids' whole world without benefit of the doubt. Kids who go through this kind of stuff really suffer.
People don't consider the kids, they are all about what's good for them (or what they imagine is good, according to the movie in their head). The kid's went through hell, especially living with one parent for a week, then the other. Where's the stability in that? Inexcusable.
As for the man's mother, she doesn't sound especially intelligent, or loyal. It's an unfortunate situation but right is right. This man stood up for himself. Good for him.
The crystal example of this is the abortion question. A woman gets pregnant. She can have the child or not. The father has no rights in contributing to the decision. She decides to keep -- he pays. She decides to abort -- he loses the opportunity to be a father. The man gets no choice. Hence the phrase 'women have choices, men have responsibilities'.
No, because probably she was the one who was cheating, better to remain alone until she gets help for her own problems, and wait for reconciliation on God's terms.
Besides people who do the divorcing and then accuse are usually the ones guilty, and they are by nature LIARS, and defaming the "innocent party" so instead of taking responsibility for her own sin, makes it all "his fault". Notice in the story, the wife already moved on with "another boyfriend", and now wants to fix everything, even after she lied to everybody.
I wrote my own paper on the subject that I placed in my substack. Feel free to cross post it.
Originally I thought that these types of stories were questionable reddit tall tales from the basement. Then I started seeing neighbors, family and even old classmates going through this kind of nonsense. Damaging someone's reputation is bad enough, but there's no turning back once kids are involved.
With a mother like this, I’m not surprised that this man chose a wife like that. Once this fell apart, he did react properly. His mother is the toxic servant of an abusive psycho. She’s probably working the kids over behind the scenes. The man should lay it down hard with his mother and cut contact until she gets her head straight. It’s disgusting that his ex-wife is dragging his parents into it, but tolerating equals volunteering.
I would have a lawyer write up an ironclad prenup giving him sole custody of the kids and 100% of joint property in the event of a second divorce.
It would be a reasonable ask given the circumstances.
He could invite her to dinner with his parents and present it to her in their company. If she was unwilling to sign(most likely) it would at least get his mother off his back.
If she agrees to it he can see his kids all the time.
He would have to live with a crazy woman until the second divorce, (which will most likely happen), but his kids are worth it.
Besides, I bet the "I'm sorry I believed my friend over you, took your kids away, and whored around for a while" make up sex will be phenomenal.
Regardless of her sins, a husband is still called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Christ did not abandon the Church, He gave himself up for Her. Marriage ends at death, not at sin — no matter how serious. I don’t envy the task of forgiving this woman, but Christ ain’t ask us to follow Him because it would be easy
He should not consider it. From start to finish she exhibited conduct which indicates her unsuitability as a wife and mother. She didn’t know her best friend had a low character ? Come on. One thing to return home and calmly tell him of the accusation and talk it out quite another to immediately fly off handle storm out and send police for children. The one inviolable rule is one never involves kids in these events protecting them from any adverse information they are not directly involved in. You speak well of each other providing as limited info as possible. In a sane world the children would be awarded to him with only supervised visits with her if any. Her actions border on child abuse and are enough to make one feel ill, in such a situation one’s children should be one’s primary concern heartbreaking to think what she put them through
I was a lawyer with some training in family law, and I think your reply frames the issues succinctly and correctly. She is fortunate that he does not sue her for defamation, if I was representing him I might suggest we prepare a case while the witnesses are still fresh in their recollection, and then decide if we also have grounds to file to have her parental rights terminated. Why be so extreme? Such a person cannot be trusted; she will very probably create much more mischief, perhaps inventing new abuse charges, when he refuses her demand that they get back together. Leave her to her new boyfriend, she had moved on. As far as the claim others have made about owing it to God to restore the marriage, "hardness of heart" is considered a valid ground for divorce; clearly she had no forgiveness for him in her soul, as she refused to even listen to his denials about his alleged infidelity.
She is child abuser problem being if he lost an attempt at sole custody she could become worse with the children. Very nuanced perhaps she will meet another man and will calm down. I could see myself becoming violent if my spouse emotionally traumatized my child. I cannot believe people they seem to be getting worse by the year.
Absolutely not.
She made a life-changing decision for her entire family, irretrievably breaking apart their family, on the word of one person without even asking her husband and father of her children for his side of the issue. She never charged him, never let him defend himself, just found him guilty on the basis of one person's word.
That's inexcusable. You never make any consequential decision without consulting both sides. She ruined his life. She ruined their children's lives.
She can never make that right. He should get the kids, house, and dog.
And why would she have as a friend, such a misandrist harpy in the first place?
Sounds like the recent changes to Title IX.
Are there sins which Christ can’t redeem ?
No. That, however, does not imply we should not protect our children and ourselves from people who are not yet redeemed, or who for other reasons are harmful to our walk with and in Christ.
Actually imo all the things you list above that she did might actually be forgivable.
Making up stories of abuse by the husband to deny him custody of the kids, THAT is the unforgivable thing here.
He should not take her back. Trust is the cornerstone of any good marriage and on top of that, her behavior was way over the top. I can't stand it when parents use their children as pawns.
This woman should not have any relationship with her children. They are better off without her, and though we only have the man's side of the story, he sounds like he should be able to find a good woman to marry who would be a better mother than their birth mother.
In his shoes, I'm not sure I'd even bother trying to date again. Facing that kind of betrayal a second time seems like it would be too difficult. He'd be better off focusing his spare energy on first his kids and second his hobbies.
I understand the feeling behind this, but I would suggest that this woman is an outlier; that the vast majority of women are honest, kind, and understanding. My wife would never fly off the handle at some ridiculous charge as this, first she would give me the benefit of the doubt, and failing that, she would have to have corroboration to any accusation, because well, some people lie. Kids need a mom, too, IMO.
Yes, you're right, of course. But it is hard to imagine having a heart big enough to take that risk again!
Finding a new mate could be very tricky for him. He did, after all, choose the first loser. I find it hard to believe that the signs of her true character weren't there for him to see before he made that choice. Sometimes, it takes learning the hard way to actually wise up. For him, it could probably go either way.
The way he wrote his post made it sound like he was totally blindsided... but there weren't any warning signs? I agree, it seems like there would have been some sort of red flag. My brother's wife divorced him, and he seemed not to see it coming, but when he talked about the months leading up to it there were all sorts of things going on.
We humans see what we want to see, and are blind to what we don't, especially in close or marital relationships.
After what she put the kids through ... but wait. What evidence do we have that things happened the way he says? If the story is true, then no, keep away from her. But if it's not, that's a different story.
Certainly the man is correct to cut off ties with this narcissist wife- there's no doubt If it were my husband, there's no way I'd condemn him and crater my kids' whole world without benefit of the doubt. Kids who go through this kind of stuff really suffer.
People don't consider the kids, they are all about what's good for them (or what they imagine is good, according to the movie in their head). The kid's went through hell, especially living with one parent for a week, then the other. Where's the stability in that? Inexcusable.
As for the man's mother, she doesn't sound especially intelligent, or loyal. It's an unfortunate situation but right is right. This man stood up for himself. Good for him.
In the mother's defense, a good sob story can get to anyone. But she should be more loyal to her son. I don't think my mom would do that to me!
I don’t think his mother is right, but her position is defensible to the extent that she is focused on exclusively on what is best for the kids.
The crystal example of this is the abortion question. A woman gets pregnant. She can have the child or not. The father has no rights in contributing to the decision. She decides to keep -- he pays. She decides to abort -- he loses the opportunity to be a father. The man gets no choice. Hence the phrase 'women have choices, men have responsibilities'.
This story might sound absurd, but a similar situation is happening to someone I know. How sad.
No, because probably she was the one who was cheating, better to remain alone until she gets help for her own problems, and wait for reconciliation on God's terms.
Besides people who do the divorcing and then accuse are usually the ones guilty, and they are by nature LIARS, and defaming the "innocent party" so instead of taking responsibility for her own sin, makes it all "his fault". Notice in the story, the wife already moved on with "another boyfriend", and now wants to fix everything, even after she lied to everybody.
I wrote my own paper on the subject that I placed in my substack. Feel free to cross post it.
https://open.substack.com/pub/efdouglass/p/remarriage-after-divorce-to-another?r=2wbge&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Originally I thought that these types of stories were questionable reddit tall tales from the basement. Then I started seeing neighbors, family and even old classmates going through this kind of nonsense. Damaging someone's reputation is bad enough, but there's no turning back once kids are involved.
With a mother like this, I’m not surprised that this man chose a wife like that. Once this fell apart, he did react properly. His mother is the toxic servant of an abusive psycho. She’s probably working the kids over behind the scenes. The man should lay it down hard with his mother and cut contact until she gets her head straight. It’s disgusting that his ex-wife is dragging his parents into it, but tolerating equals volunteering.
I would have a lawyer write up an ironclad prenup giving him sole custody of the kids and 100% of joint property in the event of a second divorce.
It would be a reasonable ask given the circumstances.
He could invite her to dinner with his parents and present it to her in their company. If she was unwilling to sign(most likely) it would at least get his mother off his back.
If she agrees to it he can see his kids all the time.
He would have to live with a crazy woman until the second divorce, (which will most likely happen), but his kids are worth it.
Besides, I bet the "I'm sorry I believed my friend over you, took your kids away, and whored around for a while" make up sex will be phenomenal.
Regardless of her sins, a husband is still called to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Christ did not abandon the Church, He gave himself up for Her. Marriage ends at death, not at sin — no matter how serious. I don’t envy the task of forgiving this woman, but Christ ain’t ask us to follow Him because it would be easy
LMAO