Your advice won't be taken, but it is wise, kind and realistic advice. Marital relationships are complicated even when both partners share the same values, morals and understanding of what a marriage is. Many married couples have completely skewed and unrealistic expectations going in - a kind of romantic fantasy that can rarely be attained. Marriage is hard work, after the infatuation phase has ended. Neither completes the other - they are and always will be individuals, who, if they are committed to their marriage and the vows they've taken, will make it a priority to facilitate a cooperative relationship with a clearly defined hierarchy composed of the leader and the supporter. Most men are geared to be leader and most women are geared to be supporter, but our culture since women's emancipation has insisted that rigid equality is the only goal worthy of achieving. That's not going to happen and why most marriages end in divorce.
I know a couple who have been married close to 50 years, and they have never had a happy marriage. They both abuse each other - she by withholding sex, and he by refusing to be faithful to her because she withholds meeting his needs. He stays married because he doesn't want to see half of his lifetime's work taken from him, and the loss of the good will of his children, if he divorces her. What she gains from the marriage is an affluent lifestyle, which doesn't and can't make her happy. It's a marriage in name only.
Your advice won't be taken, but it is wise, kind and realistic advice. Marital relationships are complicated even when both partners share the same values, morals and understanding of what a marriage is. Many married couples have completely skewed and unrealistic expectations going in - a kind of romantic fantasy that can rarely be attained. Marriage is hard work, after the infatuation phase has ended. Neither completes the other - they are and always will be individuals, who, if they are committed to their marriage and the vows they've taken, will make it a priority to facilitate a cooperative relationship with a clearly defined hierarchy composed of the leader and the supporter. Most men are geared to be leader and most women are geared to be supporter, but our culture since women's emancipation has insisted that rigid equality is the only goal worthy of achieving. That's not going to happen and why most marriages end in divorce.
I know a couple who have been married close to 50 years, and they have never had a happy marriage. They both abuse each other - she by withholding sex, and he by refusing to be faithful to her because she withholds meeting his needs. He stays married because he doesn't want to see half of his lifetime's work taken from him, and the loss of the good will of his children, if he divorces her. What she gains from the marriage is an affluent lifestyle, which doesn't and can't make her happy. It's a marriage in name only.