Return to sanity? Maybe it's happening. My son's first wedding was like you described. Over the top and stupidly costly, and certainly not what he wanted. The marriage lasted 2 years. For his second attempt, my D-I-L to be, after being driven crazy by her mother trying to engineer an event similar to a royal wedding, decided that she wanted to elope to Vegas. Smart cookie, that one. They did just that. Marriage is going strong after 12 years and 2 children. Her mother, btw, is a Leftist, and we know where they live, right? Fantasyland
I got married 32 years ago. Even then, I couldn't imagine spending the sort of money on a one-day event that I saw friends and family members spending. We decided to get married outside in a location that we both loved (we didn't try to reserve it or anything, just showed up with friends and did it) ... then we took all our guests out to dinner at a nice steak place. The whole thing cost under $1000. We spent a long weekend at the beach in a nice hotel (about an hour's drive from our house).
Did I wish sometimes that we had done the big formal thing? Yes, a little, in the beginning ... I felt pangs of envy at my sister-in-law's big wedding a year later in a beautiful church, complete with a whole train of attendants and all the matching dresses and such. BUT ... they weren't intense pangs, and the older I got, the more relieved I was that we hadn't wasted that money. A few years later, we'd saved up enough to take a month-long vacation to Australia -- and THAT felt like a honeymoon that was well worth waiting for. We were able to buy our first house much sooner than we'd have been able to if we'd had a long-past party to pay off. And I look back at our beautiful, informal wedding pictures now -- and they are so very *us.* I think now that if we'd actually tried to do the stereotypical wedding, we'd both have felt like imposters.
I've seen a LOT of big, expensive weddings up close in the intervening decades (I play violin professionally and get hired regularly for such events). I always feel genuinely happy for the happy couples, and I wish them the absolute best -- but I can't relate to the pageantry or the expense of any of it.
“would that young couple be better off starting with $30,000 that they could use for a down payment on a new home? How about spending that money on a mid-sized car?” or putting some/all of it in an index fund
Yes, that's a waste, but it doesn't hold a candle to a good chunk of the federal income tax. Forced redistribution to liberal parasites, NATO / UN / foreign aid, etc....
I can't imagine spending 2 or 3 or 6 months pay on an engagement ring. If I owned a piece of jewelry that was that expensive, I'd be afraid to wear it for fear that it would be lost or damaged.
When a friend's daughter got married, he gave her a choice: He would spend $30,000 on her wedding, OR he would give her $30,000 for a down payment on a house. She chose the big wedding. I thought, wow. My parents weren't rich and couldn't afford either -- my wedding cost maybe $2,000 and I paid for it -- but if, when I was young and just starting out, my parents had made such an offer, I would have taken the down payment in an instant. And if my fiance had said she wanted the big wedding, I hope I would have been smart enough to see the red flags and get out of there.
Excellent column John. 42 years ago my spouse and I had a private family/friends wedding and small intimate wedding breakfast. Later that evening we had a larger reception for more people. We could not afford fancy rings, wedding outfits, attendants, etc. We have never regretted it other than not being able to feed our reception guests with anything but cake because hiring a band for dancing was our first choice with the money we had to spend. Thankfully my mother in law and her church group provided light snacks for reception guests so they did not faint from dancing on an empty stomach and purchasing their own drinks from the bar.😁
Return to sanity? Maybe it's happening. My son's first wedding was like you described. Over the top and stupidly costly, and certainly not what he wanted. The marriage lasted 2 years. For his second attempt, my D-I-L to be, after being driven crazy by her mother trying to engineer an event similar to a royal wedding, decided that she wanted to elope to Vegas. Smart cookie, that one. They did just that. Marriage is going strong after 12 years and 2 children. Her mother, btw, is a Leftist, and we know where they live, right? Fantasyland
I got married 32 years ago. Even then, I couldn't imagine spending the sort of money on a one-day event that I saw friends and family members spending. We decided to get married outside in a location that we both loved (we didn't try to reserve it or anything, just showed up with friends and did it) ... then we took all our guests out to dinner at a nice steak place. The whole thing cost under $1000. We spent a long weekend at the beach in a nice hotel (about an hour's drive from our house).
Did I wish sometimes that we had done the big formal thing? Yes, a little, in the beginning ... I felt pangs of envy at my sister-in-law's big wedding a year later in a beautiful church, complete with a whole train of attendants and all the matching dresses and such. BUT ... they weren't intense pangs, and the older I got, the more relieved I was that we hadn't wasted that money. A few years later, we'd saved up enough to take a month-long vacation to Australia -- and THAT felt like a honeymoon that was well worth waiting for. We were able to buy our first house much sooner than we'd have been able to if we'd had a long-past party to pay off. And I look back at our beautiful, informal wedding pictures now -- and they are so very *us.* I think now that if we'd actually tried to do the stereotypical wedding, we'd both have felt like imposters.
I've seen a LOT of big, expensive weddings up close in the intervening decades (I play violin professionally and get hired regularly for such events). I always feel genuinely happy for the happy couples, and I wish them the absolute best -- but I can't relate to the pageantry or the expense of any of it.
“would that young couple be better off starting with $30,000 that they could use for a down payment on a new home? How about spending that money on a mid-sized car?” or putting some/all of it in an index fund
Yes, that's a waste, but it doesn't hold a candle to a good chunk of the federal income tax. Forced redistribution to liberal parasites, NATO / UN / foreign aid, etc....
I can't imagine spending 2 or 3 or 6 months pay on an engagement ring. If I owned a piece of jewelry that was that expensive, I'd be afraid to wear it for fear that it would be lost or damaged.
When a friend's daughter got married, he gave her a choice: He would spend $30,000 on her wedding, OR he would give her $30,000 for a down payment on a house. She chose the big wedding. I thought, wow. My parents weren't rich and couldn't afford either -- my wedding cost maybe $2,000 and I paid for it -- but if, when I was young and just starting out, my parents had made such an offer, I would have taken the down payment in an instant. And if my fiance had said she wanted the big wedding, I hope I would have been smart enough to see the red flags and get out of there.
Excellent column John. 42 years ago my spouse and I had a private family/friends wedding and small intimate wedding breakfast. Later that evening we had a larger reception for more people. We could not afford fancy rings, wedding outfits, attendants, etc. We have never regretted it other than not being able to feed our reception guests with anything but cake because hiring a band for dancing was our first choice with the money we had to spend. Thankfully my mother in law and her church group provided light snacks for reception guests so they did not faint from dancing on an empty stomach and purchasing their own drinks from the bar.😁