Trans-Unreality
When I was young, I played Dungeons and Dragons. I knew the books like the back of my hand, had a good time, and enjoyed playing with friends. Of course, there was more to it than that. It taught me a lot about mythology and fairytale creatures, which was of dubious value, but all those dice also helped me gain an almost instinctive understanding of statistics, which turned out to be much more useful. I did have a few turns as a “dungeon master,” who was in charge of running the adventure for everyone else:
Technically, the fate of the players was supposed to be decided by the roll of the dice – and usually, it was. For example, I still remember how upset one of the people playing got when he stuck his head around the corner into a room filled with monsters capable of blinding him… and he was blinded.
“I am blind, now? Damn, man! Is it permanent? What do you mean I wouldn’t know if it was permanent or not? What the hell?!?! Oh, well, I guess one of you guys can guide me by the hand to get me out of here. Does anyone have a spell to fix this? Nobody?” By the way, it was temporary. His character got over it. Sometimes they don’t get over it, though. The characters die. That sense of danger helped make the game fun.
On the other hand, sometimes people do things that are so stupid, the game would be over if you played it straight. I remember a group of 10 characters very deliberately attacking 200 Orcs, which, if I had been playing it fully realistically, would have ended with them getting tortured to death before the Orcs danced around wearing their skin, singing songs about how stupid humans are. Instead, I fudged some rolls and manipulated things to allow them to escape. Why? Because it wouldn’t be fun if they all got butchered relatively early on in some pointless battle.
The thing about life, real life, is that it’s a lot more like the first scenario than the 2nd one. Yeah, we’d all love it if we could roll and reroll dice until we had 10 billion dollars, were so beloved by animals we could walk into the cages in the zoos without being in danger, and could fly, read minds, and bench press a mountain if we were so inclined.
However, life is not like that.
It sort of is what it is, and while we humans certainly can try to change it, those changes tend to happen very slowly and gradually, if at all. Furthermore, the reality is that most people who try to change the world fail. In fact, almost everyone does, which is why it almost always makes more sense to adapt to reality instead of expecting it to adapt to you.
You may wonder what all of this has to do with the title of the column, “Trans-Unreality.” Well, it has a lot to do with it actually, because like many of you, I keep seeing these stories in the media that revolve around people who are trans, pretty clearly expecting the whole world to adapt to them instead of vice versa.
For example, here’s a recurring theme with “trans-women”:
One of my all-time favorite quotations about dating is:
What it means is that who you are genuinely attracted to is out of your control. For example, on a micro level, there were a couple of women in high school I had the hots for who had black, curly hair, and guess what? I still like black, curly hair to this day. I could even tell you their names, but knowing where I got that particular attraction from doesn’t change the fact that I like it. On the other hand, I don’t know exactly why I like Asian women, British accents, or very curvy women, but I do, and I didn’t choose that.
On a more macro level, straight men, by definition, have been interested in dating women since the dawn of human existence. We didn’t choose that. To us, it just is. Straight men don’t find the male form attractive, we don’t get sexually excited about male equipment, and even the idea of doing something romantic or sexual with another man is revolting.
Are there people who are a little more sexually ambiguous? Sure, there is certainly people that fit that definition, but by default, straight guys are interested in women. That’s why we call ourselves “straight” and not “gay,” or “bisexual.”
If you’re a man wearing a dress, you’re going to be a non-starter to a straight guy because you’re not female. It doesn’t matter if you somehow managed to look like prime Scarlett Johansson or Demi Moore, except better, the moment a straight guy realizes you’re male, his interest level will zero out. That’s not because he’s making a political statement or hates you as a person, it just is. It would be like saying, “That’s a good looking Walrus! Why aren’t you attracted to that Walrus?” Uh, because it’s a WALRUS, bro. Are you out of your f****** mind?
Similarly, if you’re trans and you think straight guys are going to be interested in you, and you’re shocked that they aren’t, why would you think that? Are you out of your f****** mind? How are you missing something this basic about humanity?
We could ask the same kind of question about this:
How could any man be married to a woman for 12 years, have 3 kids with her, then walk up to her in a dress and say something like, “Hi girlfriend! My name is Susan now and I’ve decided to be a woman,” and think she isn’t going to freak out? If she wanted to be married to a woman, she’d be a lesbian – and moreover, you’re NOT A WOMAN. You’re a mentally ill man wearing women’s clothes.
You know what the demand level is for that among women? It’s probably as close to zero as you can get. Convicts and men who like to slap women around generally do better with women than men who fit that description. So, why wouldn’t you understand that things were going to get bad fast? The very fact that this took this man by surprise suggests there’s something deeply wrong with the way he thinks.
We can say the same about this:
He’s a guy. His passport lists him as male. He finds having the correct sex listed on his passport upsetting.
This is ludicrous.
For example, I’m a Christian and a conservative. Know what’s going to happen if someone in the comments section says, “Yeah, I’ve read your writing, and I don’t think you’re really a Christian or a conservative?” I’m going to think, “Oh, they sound like an idiot,” go about my day, and forget they exist in 30 seconds. If you need the whole world to go along with your belief in order to maintain it, that’s a problem because it’s not going to happen, no matter what you believe.
If he really believed he was a woman, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to him because he’d know the truth. Of course, even if he doesn’t want to admit it, he does know the truth. He’s a man trying to appear to be a woman, not a woman, and every time he gets reminded of that, it’s extremely uncomfortable for him because it reminds him that he’s living a lie.
When you look at these same kinds of stories popping up over and over, it should tell you that there’s something deeply wrong with the way people who go down this path think. Granted, the first clue that they’re out of touch with reality is that they’re a man who thinks putting on a dress and giving themselves a woman’s name actually makes them into a woman, but their thinking is far more broken than that.
These are people who often seem to have trouble comprehending reality and humanity 101. How many of them have a realistic idea of what life is going to be like after their “transition?” Best guess? Not many.
The greatest kindness that could be done for these people would be for that to be addressed with them in depth before they start ruining their lives with this delusion.
At my great age of 80+ years, I just say "bless their hearts" and scroll on by; but protect the children from parents who get drawn in to the idea that their tomboy girl really wants to be a boy or their sensitive boy really thinks he's a girl.
I don't know if it's possible for adults to be helped who are so mentally ill they believe anything good can come from their aberrational and delusional thinking.