This is one of those fascinating little Reddit stories that pop up from time to time that are worth discussing. This poor guy? Let’s just say that he’s not in an enviable position: My fiancée [25f] is sexually unattracted to me [27m]. Should I break off the wedding?
Oct 22, 2023·edited Oct 22, 2023Liked by John Hawkins
Ah, there is a more likely reason: She is a lesbian. She decided along the way she likes women, a lot more than men, and her vibrator is for her new girlfriend. I had a friend from college and this happened to him almost exactly the same way. If I was a betting man, this is where my money goes. You do not turn asexual at 25 after having a good vigorous sex left beforehand. She has safety and maybe other perks with him, but is getting her jollies from munching carpet elsewhere. He should ask her about it, and if so, enjoy the three of them for a few fun evenings to make up for lost time, and then throw her the hell out.
The problem -- aside from the bitch he wasted half a decade on -- is he is emotionally weak and maybe low in testosterone. He should dump her ass, not ask a stranger for advice. He should have given her a friendly ultimatum years ago: we fix our sex problem pronto or there is no us.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter why. Well, is she told him a reason and it was something fixable, ok. Like if she said, whatever, you have bad breath and it turns me off, maybe he could fix it by brushing his teeth before asking for sex. But even if it was something simple and fixable like that, if she won't tell him, the situation is still hopeless. In the long run, if she's not interested, she's not interested. I'd say he's lucky this all came out before marriage rather than her faking it until after the wedding and then cutting him off. OF COURSE he should break up with her. They have a fundamental incompatibility. There is no way they are going to have a happy marriage. He needs to find a woman who is interested in sex - or at least willing out of love for him. She needs to find a man who can interest her, or who is likewise uninterested in sex.
Definitely, this man shouldn't marry this woman. As you point out, why would he even consider it? This is a no-win for him, and a win-win for her. If there is a marriage, it will fail and he will be left with half (if he's lucky) of what he owns, and a psyche so wounded he may never recover. Just don't do it, guy. Get out while the getting is good.
I married the wrong woman. And I realize in hindsight that for us, it was mostly about money rather than sex, but there's no doubt if I somehow had it to do over again, I wouldn't tie the not.
Ah, there is a more likely reason: She is a lesbian. She decided along the way she likes women, a lot more than men, and her vibrator is for her new girlfriend. I had a friend from college and this happened to him almost exactly the same way. If I was a betting man, this is where my money goes. You do not turn asexual at 25 after having a good vigorous sex left beforehand. She has safety and maybe other perks with him, but is getting her jollies from munching carpet elsewhere. He should ask her about it, and if so, enjoy the three of them for a few fun evenings to make up for lost time, and then throw her the hell out.
The problem -- aside from the bitch he wasted half a decade on -- is he is emotionally weak and maybe low in testosterone. He should dump her ass, not ask a stranger for advice. He should have given her a friendly ultimatum years ago: we fix our sex problem pronto or there is no us.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter why. Well, is she told him a reason and it was something fixable, ok. Like if she said, whatever, you have bad breath and it turns me off, maybe he could fix it by brushing his teeth before asking for sex. But even if it was something simple and fixable like that, if she won't tell him, the situation is still hopeless. In the long run, if she's not interested, she's not interested. I'd say he's lucky this all came out before marriage rather than her faking it until after the wedding and then cutting him off. OF COURSE he should break up with her. They have a fundamental incompatibility. There is no way they are going to have a happy marriage. He needs to find a woman who is interested in sex - or at least willing out of love for him. She needs to find a man who can interest her, or who is likewise uninterested in sex.
Definitely, this man shouldn't marry this woman. As you point out, why would he even consider it? This is a no-win for him, and a win-win for her. If there is a marriage, it will fail and he will be left with half (if he's lucky) of what he owns, and a psyche so wounded he may never recover. Just don't do it, guy. Get out while the getting is good.
I married the wrong woman. And I realize in hindsight that for us, it was mostly about money rather than sex, but there's no doubt if I somehow had it to do over again, I wouldn't tie the not.